Every year we, the insatiable gamers, are blessed with an assortment of high-quality titles, which we gobble down with the utmost haste. Whether it be one of the greatest games ever conceived or something a bit more modest, we tend to forget the predicaments the main characters go through whilst we're being entertained. Shooting enemies is fun - undoubtedly so - but what about the guy who shoots a loved one? What about the guy who was just going about his everyday life when his town explodes? How about the guy who can't remember his own name? These are the videogame characters we feel most sorry for.

The list of game characters has grown exponentially over the years, and with them the issues that develop in such a memorable way. Some of these problems are a bit more serious than others, but hey, they're still problems right?

9: Solid Snake

The issue: Snake is a clone; he ages rapidly, has to fight multiple metal monstrosities and extraterrestrial soldiers, and has to prevent multiple nuclear strikes across all the games. Also, pretty much everyone close to him dies. Savvy.

Snake is an old bastard, or at least he was, by the time Metal Gear Solid 4 rolled around. Even so, his decrepit arse still had to take down a gaggle of enemies with crazy powers, and a series of metal beasts that could cause the apocalypse; not a small feat by any means. The worst of his conditions, though, is definitely his rapid aging process, being a clone and all. How would you like to live less than half your life and be thrust into a rather impossible scenario multiple times? Not so cool. Also, he fought - well, technically, his father fought - a guy who could control bees. ...bees.

8: Link

The issue: How would you enjoy waking up after defeating the toughest nemesis you ever faced, with all your power and items taken from you? Now, how would you enjoy it if it happened every single time? Also, and arguably worse, Link's vocabulary consists of only "HIIYAAA" and "WAAA" and "UGHH". He's a think-tank, clearly.

Link is a legend in the videogame character kingdom, and so are the design philosophies behind The Legend of Zelda, but those scenarios are going to take a backseat here. You see, at the outset of every game, Link is pretty much a different person who in no way resembles the skillful, item-ridden hero from his last adventure. He can also only communicate via several emotional screams, which explains why Zelda always gets lost some way or another (would you want to be around someone like that?). While there might be some kind of odd lore, and occassional connections to games past here and there, it's never truly apparent in any game. Which - naturally - leads me to believe that he's (a) insane, (b) a robot, or (c) maybe both. With this information we can only conclude that Link is tethered to the Matrix as some evil genius's puppet. I don't think he knows Kung Fu, though.

7: Tidus

The issue: Besides his strange taste in random clothing, Tidus has a problem with being tangible, and another with killing his father to metal music. He also likes Blitzball.

The protagonist from Final Fantasy X with the feathered hair gets a lot of flak for his somewhat... eccentric attitude - laughing scene, anyone? - and his random elbow pad. Tidus goes through quite a bit emotionally as the game continues on, but much to his surprise - and ours - he finds out that he doesn't even exist. That's right; by the time the game ends, Tidus basically just up-and-vanishes from Yuna's arms. Before that, though, Tidus participates in the killing of his father to save the land. I truly have no idea how this works, but when you break it down it sounds pretty bleak; Tidus killed his father to save a land that he can't be a part of because he just discovered he doesn't exist.

...blame Blitzball.

6: Boy from Shadow of the Colossus

The issue: In an effort to bring a girl that means something to him back from the dead, this boy must fight sixteen colossi. And slay every one.

It might not sound too depressing at first, but once you finish killing all sixteen colossi, something very bad happens to that boy. Instead of being rewarded with the chance to restore life to the girl, the boy ends up being turned into a giant demon. After the short stint of demonry subsides, the boy then turns into a baby, and the girl then awakens. So, after all that trouble, the kid has absolutely zero idea of what happened.

That, my friends, is what I call 'the shaft'.

5: Master Chief

The issue: Born and bred to fight, the Master Chief had no childhood and no life besides constant intergalactic warring.

Halo's Master Chief really is quite a depressing character. Whilst the games don't exactly dive deep into his background, the man had no life, no friends, no family; nothing. The only thing left to him was the drive to keep fighting for humanity. Every single day is just another step toward killing more aliens and regenerating more shields. I think the only friend the guy has is Cortana, and she's basically just the Internet. It does make you wonder, though; what does he do to kill time, besides sleeping in space?

4: Dominic Santiago

The issue: For a man whose whole world revolved around finding his wife and kids after his planet exploded, putting the gun to his own wife didn't seem to make him the happiest person.

Gears of War is all about the planet Sera, and how it became scorched due to the Locust emerging to annihilate the humans. After the initial attack, Dom lost his kids and his wife, but had never given up on trying to locate them. Upon entering the Locust Hollow in the second game, Dom finds his wife tortured and destroyed; a husk of her former self. Dom couldn't let her suffer any longer and was forced to shoot her, right in the ole' cranium. Could you imagine yourself dedicating your life to finding someone, actually finally managing to find them, and then having to kill them? To augment that feeling, you can then wake up every morning after that, to a world that's fully destroyed and trying to kill you. Awesome.

3: Castlevania's Dracula

The issue: Every single game, he comes back with greater power, badass traps, horrific monsters, and a thirst for vengeance. But he always ends up getting his arse whipped. Literally.

Castlevania is synonymous with Dracula at this point. Like the description points out, he comes back in almost every iteration more powerful than before. Yet, even if he came back with sixty thousand demons and a Godzilla-sized Death at his side, he'd end up losing to some schmuck that gets all up inside his castle. Having your soul literally ripped apart and being forced to sit there for years before you can manifest enough power in a feeble attempt to come back must suck.

2: Gordon Freeman

The issue: A scientist who really enjoys his work, Gordon somehow managed to turn a rather harmless experiment into a full blown alien invasion. ...good job, Gordon.

Half-Life is famous for having one of the best lead-in moments to a game ever, and it still holds up today. Gordon, being the wonderfully nice scientist he is, was going about his business as usual until he decided to push a cart into a part of the experiment he was helping with. Cue bolts of electricity, alien portals and dead people. Now Gordon is solely responsible for finding out how to fix the problem, which he still hasn't been able to do. Bet you wish you could rewind time a bit, don'tcha, Gordon?

1: Vic Viper

The issue: When an alien invasion comes, there's only one option.

You'd think that, after the first time the galaxy routed the enemy in the Gradius universe, they would prepare some kind of defense force in case it ever happened again. I guess that's too logical, though, because those lethargic asses always send out the Vic Viper whenever there's trouble. What happens if the pilots all got sick and no one could use this spacecraft? I guess it's game over forever? Sorry Vic, those guys are jerks.

Labels: 2011, Andrew Whipple III, Castlevania, Final Fantasy XII, Gears of War, Gradius, Half-Life, Halo, Metal Gear Online, shadow of the colossus, The Legend of Zelda

This article contains information about PlayStation Store content relevant to the U.S. PSN region, but may not necessarily be applicable to other regions.

It's been a long wait, but the PlayStation Network is finally back. You can now sign in, message your friends, play games online, and return to purchasing. But, wait a second, the PlayStation Store isn’t up again yet, is it?

Nope. Oh balls.

The PlayStation Store is the thing I have missed most during the PSN outage, and although our online games shopping centre hasn't quite reopened yet, now that the PSN is back to running on most of its cylinders it’s only a matter of time before we can all begin a collective shopping spree. In celebration I've decided to guide you through my planned purchases, whilst simultaneously recommending some awesome games currently available on the PSN. Where do we start?

Well, with the classics, of course!

I have been clutching a PlayStation controller in my hands since 1997, so I’m pretty familiar with a lot of the original PlayStation's games, many of which I just can’t wait to replay. Now, I know there are many of you out there who missed the PS1 golden age, and given the virtual sea of PS1 classic games to choose from on the PSN (not all of which are worth your money), I’m here to help you out. There are a few real gems in the PS1 classics section of the PlayStation store; here are just a few that I'd suggest you take a look at.

Bloody Roar 2

If you like fighting games, and don’t mind stepping into some 1999 graphics, Bloody Roar 2 is worth a look; a 3D fighter (think Tekken), which gives you the opportunity to control eleven distinct fighters, in combo-heavy hand-to-hand matches. The major selling point? Like those lovable Autobots and Decepticons, these fighters are actually much more than what meets the eye. All the fighters in the game have been genetically altered, and can transform into a human/beast hybrid mid-battle. Wolfmen, bunny ladies and weird insect dudes; Bloody Roar has them all. It's easy to recommend Bloody Roar 2 over its predecessor, as it offers more characters and modes, as well as better graphics than the original, albeit first-generation PS1 graphics.

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Simply put, Symphony of the Night is Castlevania at its best. If you have no idea what Castlevania is, then I weep for your soul. In a nutshell, the Castlevania series of games follows the Belmont clan of vampire hunters throughout the generations, in their seemingly eternal fight against Dracula, the vampire king. Unlike the recent Lords of Shadow, the classic Castlevania games are strictly a 2D affair, heavy on the plaforming and the battling. Imagine Megaman with a mediaeval vampiric gothic twist, and you’ll start to get an idea of what I'm talking about.

Symphony of the Night is the central gem in the Castlevania crown. The game follows the story of Alucard, the son of Dracula, as he braves the dangers of Dracula’s castles. It's 2D platforming at its best, with just a smidgen of RPG-style character growth. With a great plot, gorgeous art style and pitch-perfect gameplay, how can you live with yourself knowing that this classic is just a download away, but you've never bought it?

Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped

Ever wonder what the guys at Naughty Dog - the developer famous for creating the Uncharted and Jak and Daxter games - were doing way back in the nineties? Look no further, my young padawan: Crash Bandicoot is what they were doing.

Sony’s premiere mascot and the PlayStation’s response to Mario, Crash is a cartoon-looking bandicoot – yes, they're actual animals – who wears jeans and has a liking for jumping on things. The Crash Bandicoot games were the best 3D platformers the original PlayStation ever saw, exuding all of the great production values that Naughty Dog is famous for. For a few laughs and some genuinely enjoyable platforming, Crash is the way to go. The third game in the series is easily the best of the lot, but you can go ahead and get all three - you certainly won’t regret it.

Final Fantasy IX

Back in the 1990’s, Squaresoft - now known as Square Enix - was on a roll. When Final Fantasy VII was rolled out on the PlayStation 1, no one could know that it was the game that would define that generation of gamers. Expectations were high for each subsequent game, and for the most part Squaresoft did not disappoint. The PSOne was home to three main-series Final Fantasy games, all of which were astounding. Now, we all know that Final Fantasy VII is an easy recommendation, but some of you might have overlooked the somewhat underrated Final Fantasy IX, which, looking back, is one of my favourite games in the series.

After the modern styles of Final Fantasy VII and VIII, Squaresoft decided to revisit its roots in Final Fantasy IX. Everything from the character design to the battle system is a throwback to the company’s SNES-era Final Fantasy titles; you can count that crystals, castles, airships, unlikely heroes and princesses will all make an appearance. The eight characters in the game mostly correspond to one of the classic 'jobs' that the series is known for - thief, white mage, blue mage, black mage, summoner, etc. - and all are compelling, unique and likeable. This is a Final Fantasy game, so - surely enough - the plot is epic and will have you in a battle for the fate of the world itself. A classic RPG through and through, if you can tolerate the classic sensibilities of the game, Final Fantasy IX is well worth your time.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

The original Resident Evil started it all. Resident Evil 2 is perhaps still the definitive game in the series for most gamers who played the classic titles. Resident Evil 3, however... well, it just was. The critics knew the game was great, but it simply wasn’t as successful as its predecessors. Chances are, you probably didn’t play this game either. I can guarantee you’re missing out on some of the best survival horror to ever come from Capcom.

In Resident Evil 3, you play as Jill Valentine, protagonist of the original game, as she desperately attempts to escape Raccoon City whilst it is being overrun by zombies. To complicate matters further, Umbrella Corporation has developed a bioweapon, designed exclusively to track and kill Jill, called 'The Nemesis'. Resident Evil 3 plays just like its predecessors, with the series' classic controls, but the Nemesis creature really adds something new to the mix; specifically, jump-out-of-your-seat terror. The Nemesis will show up repeatedly and unexpectedly throughout the game, and unlike the other creatures you face, it will follow you through every door and up every staircase, until you choose to face him. To put this simply, all these years later I can still remember how much Nemesis scared the shit out of me. Are you ready to be scared?

Metal Gear Solid

You’ve heard about those nifty action/stealth games called Metal Gear, right? Well, this is the game that started it all. Metal Gear Solid isn’t the first game in the Metal Gear series, but was the first of them to be infused with the cinematic style and stealth gameplay the series has become famous for since.

Like Final Fantasy VII, Metal Gear Solid was a console-defining game. At the time, nobody had seen anything like it, and its legacy is still palpable today. If you haven’t played this game, you should. 'Nuff said.


So, there you have it: my list of must-have PlayStation 1 classics. Make sure to download at least one of these classics if you can once the PlayStation Store is back up. And if you have any personal PS1 favorites that get you all teary-eyed, don’t be greedy: share your opinions in the comments below.

Labels: 2011, Bloody Roar, Castlevania, Classic Consoles, Columns, Crash Bandicoot, Final Fantasy, Joey Núñez, Metal Gear Solid, PlayStation, PS1, PSone, RePlay, Resident Evil, Sony

Linear, story-driven, and visually breathtaking, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is a strange incarnation of a classic franchise. Taken as a whole, it's a title filled with head-scratching contradictions. On one hand, it paints a beautiful Gothic landscape that feels true to Castlevania. On the other, it features gameplay alien to the Castlevania of yore. It has talented voice actors, but their talents are used to further an uninspired plot. For every major pro found in Lords of Shadow, there are a handful of minor cons that make judging the game a challenge.

The biggest problem many reviewers have had with Lords of Shadow is its loose faithfulness to the series from which it heralds. Though rooted in the fertile soil of the Castlevania universe, this Belmont-starring adventure only sporadically feels like its predecessors. For much of the game - as you traverse enchanted forests and scale wintry mountaintops - it's easy to forget that you're posing as a member of the Belmont clan. More than once a friend came into the room as I played and watched the screen, confused, before finally asking "Isn't this supposed to be about a game about Dracula?"

"Yes," I always answered, myself not totally convinced, "yes, it is."



Intro music.

Another noticeable change in Lords of Shadow is its linear, stage-oriented design. If you haven't played a Castlevania before, allow me to summarise why this is strange in five words:

Castlevania belongs in a castle.

Balderdash and poppycock! Most Castlevania games, shockingly, take place in Dracula's castle - a chaotic, demon-constructed 2D labyrinth which the player can explore freely, moving in and out of rooms to their heart's content. Specially-obtained powers gradually allow you to enter new wings of the stony manor, such as ballrooms, sewer systems, or the occasional portal to apocalypse. Each room is a Ghostbuster's dream, filled with a Gothic menagerie of shades, wraiths, and poltergeists for your vampire hunter (usually a Belmont) to whip, bless, and douse with holy water until the sin-filled beasts return back to the fiery chasms from whence they came. This design, often referred to as Metroidvania, has been a staple of the Castlevania franchise since 1987, when Simon Belmont had his quest. It is the very foundation of the design of the series. When people think Castlevania, they think non-linear 2D vampire fighting... in a castle. Like so.

Cue Mercury Steam, and its outrageous plan to produce a Castlevania that turned the design of the series on its head/ass/backside generally. Linear stages. 3D. More rails and less Magellan. Such changes ruffled thousands of feathers in the Castlevania fandom. "Fair enough, some people aren’t going to like what we’re doing and we accept that," lead designer Brian Cox remarked in response, "but generally what we’re trying to do is bring the fans with us... there’s no point in going back and making the same game again – the point is to make a clean break and move forward with the series."

Middling music.

Controversy aside, the gameplay in Lords of Shadow is surprisingly good. Something about the way Gabriel moves - hacking and slashing in a third-person landscape - seems true to traditional the way Belmonts have interacted with their haunted settings throughout the series. This referential nature of movement and attack abilities (a nod of the cap to 2D Castlevania adventures) make them feel deeper than those of a Kratos or Dante. It's partially the setting that gives them credence; a world of morbid characters and hauntingly beautiful environments that periodically reaches into Castlevania canon. Aesthetics like those found in the 'Music Box' level (shown in the video below) help to reminder players that Lords of Shadow is, in fact, a fruit plucked from the Castlevania tree.



Great as its visual aesthetics are, Lords of Shadow's new-look narrative failed to impress me. Without spoiling anything, it explained too much. Every third sentence uttered is either a groan-inspiring cliché or blatant exposition. The clichés I can forgive; I even enjoyed the pure corniness of some of them. But as far as exposition goes, part of why I love the Castlevania series is because it rarely tries to explain its ridiculousness. My favourite games in the series - Circle of the Moon, Super Castlevania IV and Symphony of the Night - are connected to deep lore, but do not revel in them it like Lords of Shadow revels. Though it does reinvent the series, I'm unsure whether the narrative direction of Lords of Shadow is going to lead the franchise in a direction I'd like to go (beat the game and you'll see what I mean).

Taken as a whole, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is a solidly-playable game with better-than-average gameplay and a beautiful world to explore. It's by no means terrific, but it's not bad, either. If you're a fan of the series, it's worth your time. Just tread warily, and watch out for the flaws.

What Lords of Shadow does best is intangible: it paves the way for the future of Castlevania by restarting the franchise at year one. If one is put into production, a sequel could mix the freedom of exploration found in older Castlevania games with the 3D hack-and-slash combat and gorgeous environments of Lords of Shadow. If they can combine those concepts into one spectacular product (and if they lay off pummelling gamers with the exposition bat via plot), then Mercury Steam can feasibly create one of the greatest games of our age.

So harken, hardcore Castlevania gamers, and take these words well: play Lords of Shadow, but do so with an open mind and tempered excitement not for the game itself, but for its children and grandchildren to come.

Exit music.

8/10 [?]

Labels: 360, Castlevania, Greg Mengel, Lords of Shadow, PS3, Review, Xbox 360

Hear me, mortals! With all its undeadliness and classic vampire-whipping madness, Castlevania is easily one of gaming's greatest achievements. But you don't become immortalized for simply having great gameplay. Oh no. It's about time that you lend an ear to the symphony of sound that has become synonymous to the Castlevania name.

Now, there's a plethora of amazing sounds which emanate from the castle which houses Dracula, but today we're going to focus on something different. Specifically, we're going to center our attention on classic 'vania tunes that have been remixed. That is, the music you may know and love, but recreated by fans of the games and even by Konami themselves.

One thing before we get started: there are quite a lot of songs I enjoyed but, although it pains my Castlevania-loving heart, only ten could make the cut. Goat and Konami have a huge presence on this countdown, but I assure you, very few could come close to their material.

But enough already - HAVE AT YOU!

10: Froggy Mosh

Artist: Goat
Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse



Like all Castlevania games, Dracula's Curse wasn't a walk in the park - or, in this case, the swamp. Froggy Mosh is Goat's high-powered take on the swamp stage that probably still haunts you. I can't recommend the level, but I can certainly provide my full endorsement to this beast of a track.

9: The Colossus

Artist: Konami
Game: Harmony of Despair

Hailing from the last DS game, Order of Ecclesia, The Colossus is a sweet sound indeed. Unlike the terrifying bosses which you likely faced multiple times with Shanoa, this tune weaves an ominous balance between insanely awesome and apocalyptic. Honestly, I'm not sure what I just said.

8: Shadow Buster

Artist: Goat
Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Did you make it to the end of Castlevania III? Yeah, if you used an emulator! Shadow Buster represents the ending theme to the game and actually sounds quite bright. It almost makes you want to get up and stake Drac' yourself. Or something like that.

7: Pools of Rust

Artist: Goat
Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse



Yes, it's Castlevania III once again, but who cares about the game when the music sounds this great? Pools of Rust, which you'll be falling into quite often, has tremendous power behind its aqueduct of sounds and riffs. Strangely, that's exactly the stage this song pays homage to.

6: Aria of Sorrow

Artist: Konami
Game: Castlevania: Harmony of Despair

A remix of the main song behind the Game Boy Advance classic, Aria of Sorrow is beyond well done. Somehow it keeps everything you loved about the song and transforms the rest into an electric vampire eagle of truth. There's no way you won't end up cherishing this gem.

5: Ebony Wings

Artist: Konami
Game: Harmony of Despair

All I can think of when this song comes on is how damn scary the death fights are in every game. Seriously, it's not cool. If you fought Death in Order of Ecclesia, where this song hails from, then you know what true pain feels like. There isn't a single moment where you aren't being ravaged by dark melodies. By the way, that's a wondrous thing.

4: After Confession

Artist: Konami
Game: Harmony of Despair



Dawn of Sorrow is the origin of this masterpiece, and it's good. Damn good. Dracula is totally rockin' out to this in his coffin.

3: Trevor's Reflection

Artist: Goat
Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Honestly: I don't remember this tune being in Castlevania III. To my understanding, it's actually a remix of the song "Riddle" in Order of Ecclesia. Regardless, get to 1:30 and nothing else needs to be said. Ever.

2: Stained Glass Filth

Artist: Goat
Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

This song is certainly in Castlevania III, but it also makes an appearance in practically all of the Castlevania titles including Dawn of Sorrow. Don't worry, once this thing begins you'll be thrashing your head in such rigorous manner you'll have nothing to complain about. Until it ends that is.

1: Vampire Spanker

Artist: Danneman & Silverknekt
Game: Castlevania

Aha! You thought it was going to be Goat or Konami, right? After accidentally coming upon this incessant harmonic bliss known as "Vampire Spanker," I was finally at peace. Perhaps you'd call it esoteric, but I find that any true Castlevania nut would go crazy over this song. It's a homage to "Vampire Killer," a track in every single Castlevania game. And who doesn't like that song? Seriously?

Well, that ends our countdown of the top 10 greatest Castlevania remixes out there, but know that there are many other notable songs buried out there. Songs that can kill you while you sleep. Just kidding. But, seriously: get listening to them over at OCRemix.

Labels: Andrew Whipple III, Castlevania, danneman, Goat, Konami, Music game, remix, silverknekt