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Spike VGAs 2011 post-mortem, or: Suppose they had an awards show, and no awards were given?
by Andrew Testerman
16.12.11

I want very much to say that this year’s Spike VGAs were the best they’ve ever been, but I’m not sure that I can.

Make no mistake; this year’s broadcast, which aired on the 10th November at 8:00pm EST, saw markededly clear improvements over previous years' instalments. The now bog-standard celebrity guests were, by-and-large, less awkward, with most sounding excited to be there, and several even giving off a genuine gamer vibe. Spike also finally found a competent host for the VGAs in Zachary Levi, whose ‘aw, shucks’ charisma helped sell even the most staid of material (oh look, a life bar joke in 2011). And the actual broadcast itself has become a well-oiled machine, shuttling between segments of the show and killer trailers with an ease that the Oscars could only dream of.

The problem was, though, that it was too well-oiled. In all of the fervour to promote new trailers, promote VGA-related competitions (“Check out how popular the VGAs are on Twitter!”), and Felicia Day’s noble-though-misguided backstage shenanigans, the producers failed to give attention to the actual reason everyone was there: the awards. During the course of the evening, all of three proper awards were given and accepted. Three. The first, Best Action Adventure, was given at the very beginning of the show, and nearly a solid hour and a half went by without so much as a peep about the other awards.

Actually, I take that back — they did mention sixteen other awards during an earlier portion of the broadcast, because they announced the winners in the form of a montage. To put this in perspective, more time was devoted to Kevin Jonas introducing the Rainbow 6: Patriots trailer than on the presentation of sixteen different awards. In fact, so much was lost in the shuffle that Spike didn’t even mention the winner for one of their categories (if you’ll check out the Wikipedia page, you’ll notice a blank spot for Best Team Sports game.

It’s kinda surreal, truthfully. I realise that the VGAs are starting to become a hot zone for announcing new games and showing off huge trailers, which, in all fairness, is pretty conducive to television, but Spike aren't even pretending that the awards matter anymore. I mean, fun as it was to watch Felicia Day play real-life Fruit Ninja with the cast of Comedy Central’s Workaholics, it felt disrespectful to all the major industry figures whose hard work was supposedly being honoured at the ceremony, a sentiment shared by more than a few actual nominees. Though, in terms of developer disrespect, nothing quite tops Michael Condrey of Sledgehammer Games getting teabagged for running over the time limit on his acceptance speech for Best Shooter.

Award neglect was certainly the largest problem this year, but it was far from the only one. As with any awards show, several presenters were absolutely dire during their onstage moments, particularly Jason Biggs of the American Pie franchise, who either did not care one iota about how obvious it was that he was reading from the autocue, or was simply stoned out of his gourd. Felicia Day’s Japanese game show-esque antics for Child’s Play were sound and admirable in concept (promoting a major game-related charity, and doing silly stuff for donations), but they killed the programme’s momentum whenever they popped up. And the aforementioned teabagging, which was funny as a concept-based joke, was simply terrible as an execution-based joke.

The most frustrating aspect of the VGAs, though, wasn’t the unfunny jokes or the awkward celebrities. No; it was the moments of actual, legitimate entertainment, the slight glimpses of what the VGAs should be. Case in point: The Legend of Zelda’s induction into the Videogame Hall of Fame.

Seth Green briefly talked about Zelda’s achievements, and then showed a video with clips from nearly every Zelda game, whilst a tasteful narration discussed some of the series’ finer points, including an acknowledgement of the game’s resonance despite the lack of spoken dialogue. After the video, the curtains opened, and who should walk out but Shigeru Miyamoto, who gave a charming acceptance speech in English to a standing ovation from the crowd. In another cool segment, Levi showed a video from Activision featuring Captain Price and Frost of Modern Warfare 3, saluting US troops and promoting a program to help veterans acquire jobs after they've returned from active duty. Moments like these tell me that, ultimately, the VGA producers 'get it', which makes the segues into rocky, stereotypical ‘gamer’ territory that much more painful.

Despite my negativity, I really do have hope for the VGAs. This year’s ceremony was ultimately stronger and less painful to watch than in previous years, and if the show continues to improve in the way it has, there is every potential that it might really be worth watching in a few years. Still, if the VGAs want to be taken seriously as an awards show, they need to focus more attention on the actual awards; to quote Justin McElroy of Joystiq, "if winning [a VGA] is ever to be a big deal, that has to start with you guys [the Spike producers] believing it is." [source] Even the MTV VMAs (the ‘award show as entertainment’ programme that the VGAs obviously wants to be, which is a perfectly fine goal) understand that winning is a big deal; if Spike wants to improve the VGAs for next year, I’d start there.

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- Andrew Testerman
Review: Batman Arkham City
by Joey Núñez
14.12.11

Batman: Arkham City
Developer
Rocksteady Studios
Publisher
Warner Bros. Interactive
Square Enix (Japan)
Platforms
Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Windows PC, OnLive, WiiU (2012)
Reviewed on
PlayStation 3
Genre
Action-adventure, beat 'em up, stealth
Certificate
PEGI 16+, ESRB T
Best price we found in GBP:
£24.99
on PC, from Amazon.co.uk
As comic book characters go, few have proven to be as captivating as the Caped Crusader, Batman. Be it his tragic origin story, his unparalleled fighting and detective skills or the sheer amount of kickassness that exudes from a man with no superpowers that can take on Superman, there’s just something about this character that has made him a staple of the comic book community for decades.

As tends to happen, the extreme popularity of the comic character has led to movies, animated series, tonnes of merchandise and - of course - videogames. In 2009, Rocksteady broke the licensed game curse, and created a Batman videogame unlike anything anyone had ever seen before. The boys and girls at Rocksteady care for the character, and poured attention and love into every single detail of the project, crafting more than just a game, but rather an experience. Batman: Arkham Asylum was more than just the best Batman game ever, or the best comic book game ever; it was one of the best games of 2009, full stop. This left this year’s sequel, Batman: Arkham City, with a rather unprecedented predicament: it ended up a licensed game with a large quantity of valid expectation for greatness weighing it down. Comic geeks and gamers the world over were wondering if Rocksteady would be able to strike gold twice.

The answer? Yes. God, yes.


You know the way that every sequel promises to be bigger and better, and then hardly ever is? That, luckily, didn't happen this time. Rocksteady hit the bullseye, and somehow managed to make the already pefect Batman experience even better, delivering a massive follow up to Arkham Asylum that is truly bigger and better in every way, giving you more of what you loved from the original and doing away with anything you hated. Fan expectations were more than met; they were surpassed entirely. This was clearly Rocksteady’s objective.

So how does a developer go about beating itself at its own game? Well, Rocksteady’s first order of business was giving players a larger playground to play in. Enter Arkham City, the mega-prison after which the game is named. If you’ve somehow managed to avoid spoiling the story for yourself already, I won’t spoil it for you here. All you need to know is that Quincy Sharp, former warden of Arkham Asylum, is now mayor of Gotham City, and he has somehow convinced the bigwigs of Gotham to let him wall off a complete section of the city and turn it into a prison. The result: a literal city prison, populated by every low-life thug, criminal and super-criminal in Gotham City. With appearances from almost every major nemesis in Batman’s rogue gallery (and a few not so major ones), veteran comic book writer Paul Dini has written a meaty, intense and suspenseful story that evokes a true sense of urgency in the player as the plot develops. The pacing of the narrative is pitch-perfect, and the game is filled with unexpected twists and reveals that will have you nerdgasming well into the night.

The game’s narrative is made that much greater by the excellent gameplay through which you experience it. Gameplay is divided into three basic elements: exploration, combat and stealth. Playing as the Dark Knight himself, Arkham City is yours to explore. As a gamer, jumping, gliding and grappling from rooftop to rooftop in an environment as vibrant and layered as Arkham City is a treat. As a Batman fan, the experience is just indescribable, and must be experienced to be understood. When you’re not mindlessly gliding around the city skies and freaking out at just how awesome Batman’s cape looks billowing in the wind, you’ll probably be meticulously scouring the environments for secrets or clues related to your current mission. Rocksteady has not forgotten that Batman is first and foremost a detective, and has made sure to feature Batman’s crime solving deductive skills prominently in the game, both in the main story missions and side missions, which I’ll get on to later.


As you can probably imagine, based on the fact that the whole game takes place in a megaprison filled to the brim with people that want our hero dead, you will get into a fair amount of scuffles. You will deal with your opponents either via direct mêlée combat or stealth. For the mêlée combat, Rocksteady has refined the amazing combat system they created for Arkham Asylum, the Freeflow Combat System. Freeflow combat sounds simple on paper: attack enemies with one button, stun them with another, dodge with a third and press a fourth button at the right time to counter. The truth of the matter, though, is that although the system is simple enough that a beginner can pull off some nice moves, this by no makes the game a button masher. If you’re going to call the Freeflow combat button-mashing, you might as well call Guitar Hero a button masher, and no, that is not an exaggeration. The key to successful combat in Arkham City is timing; you have to time each move to perfectly follow your previous move, counter just at the right moment, dodge exactly when required, all in an effort to boost your combo count and, consequently, the experience you gain from a fight. Perfecting Freeflow combat requires real skill. Add in enemies which require specific attack approaches, special moves and quickfire gadget moves – which allow you to incorporate Batman’s nifty arsenal into his combos – and you’ve got yourself an extremely robust combat system which will probably provide you with some of the most rewarding combat in any action title, ever.

Once you perfect the freeflow combat I guarantee you will feel like a ninja. But, alas, Batman - like all heroes - has a lethal weakness. For Superman, it's kryptonite; for Batman, it's guns - guns will kill the guy. Charge into a room filled with gun-toting goons, and you'll find yourself walking into the light faster than you can say "holy fatal wound, Batman". Armed henchmen require a more tactical approach; namely, stealth. Stealth (or predator) sections will require you to patiently wait in the shadows and use your wits and your gadgets to take out your opponents. Fear not, though, because the game arms you to the teeth, with everything from the must-have batarangs to explosive gel, freeze bombs, smoke grenades and zip lines. These stealth situations are also where you’ll make use Batman’s 'Detective Vision', which allows you to see through walls, in order to identify enemies and the weapons they're carrying. Each predator room is basically a puzzle that needs solving, with the answer always ending up as you doing a triumphant Batoosie dance over a heap of unconscious bodies.

Once you’ve explored, fought and ninja’d your way through the main story there’s still loads - and I mean loads - of things to do in Arkham City. The side missions prepared are just awe-inspiring, with most side quests featuring deep plots and their own villains. These optional quests will have you scouring the city solving The Riddler’s riddles, as lives hang in the balance; investigating a series of grisly murders; chasing down ringing phones in an effort to track down a psychopathic murderer, and so much more. With no hint of a joke, the side missions in Arkham City could be their own stand-alone game, they are that good. You also have the challenge rooms to occupy your time; these are Riddler Challenges, that either see you taking out waves of enemies with Freeflow combat, or clearing rooms of armed thugs in stealth missions. All missions are ranked online, with leaderboards and such, so you always have incentive to come back to these challenges and increase your scores. Add to the mix the addition of the newly re-vogued 'New Game Plus', which lets you play through the main story with all your experience and gadgets whilst considerably ramping up the difficulty, and it's easy to see that replay value is the name of the game. Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned Catwoman yet, have I?


Every new copy of Arkham City includes a download code, which will let you access the Catwoman missions. These missions are interwoven with the game's main narrative, so they seamlessly integrate with the main story. It’s true that you could play the entire game without experiencing the Catwoman missions and not feel like you’re missing out on anything, but trust me, you would be. Catwoman moves and fights completely differently to Batman, and playing as the famed femme fatale was probably one of my favourite experiences of Arkham City. Not only will these missions reveal more about what’s going on in Arkham City, but they will also reward you with some of the best gameplay the title has to offer. Long story short, download, and play now.

Rocksteady has also been generous with its offering of DLC. Already the company has released two DLC character packs, featuring Nightwing and Robin respectively. These packs allow you to play as these two members of the Batman family in all of the game's challenge rooms, as well as in additional challenge rooms included in the DLC. These characters can’t be used in the main game, which has disappointed more than a few fans; however, I can guarantee that each character is worth trying out. Both have a very distinct feel to them, in combat and in stealth missions, and they are more than just palette swaps, with distinct moves, gadgets and combat styles. At the end of the day, though, I’d say that you should only really get these packs if you have the cash to spare, or if you’re a huge fan of the characters, like me. Either way, you won’t be disappointed.

Lastly, I just have to mention how spectacular this game looks. The art style is spot on, and the game is brought to life with stunning graphics and vibrant music, every bit as epic as anything you’d expect to hear in Christopher Nolan’s Batman flicks. It’s the gaming equivalent of awesome sauce, and you know just how awesome awesome sauce is.


I read somewhere that Arkham City was more of a Batman simulator than a game, and I couldn’t agree more. Rocksteady has successfully, and fully, recreated the 'Batman experience' in gaming form, and if you know anything about Batman then you'll know just how much of an impressive feat this is. Batman: Arkham City is easily my favourite game of 2011, and a solid contender for Game of the Year. You owe it to yourself to play this game.

10/10 [?]

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- Joey Núñez
Christmas Season 2011: Gaming Recollections, part one - a very downloadable Christmas
by Andrew Testerman
11.12.11

Happy December, everyone! In this month of year-end retrospectives and Oscar-bait films, we here at GGTL are beginning our annual Christmas content series.

In the past, we've had countdowns, poems and various other sundries celebrating the Yuletide, and this year, every Sunday until Christmas, I'll be offering my reflections on some of my past holidays in gaming. Christmas is a special, memorable time of year for all, and I hope you enjoy my memories of winter gaming gone by.


Part I – A Very Downloadable Christmas (2009)

Sometimes the best gifts come in small packages, or even no packages at all. During this Christmas, I was staying at my parents' house for the holiday break, thankful for the reprieve from what was a very gruelling senior year of college. My old bedroom had long been given to my younger brother, but I was able to set up shop in the back room, where my parents did office work. It was cozy enough, and though the sofa-bed I was using wasn't ideal, the area was mine, and that was all that mattered.

In the room was a small, 18-inch television that my step-dad used for watching his Second World War documentaries (like a typical History major), and with a little fiddling, I was able to hook up my Xbox 360 using an HDMI cable I found on Amazon for $3.50. Since it was the Christmas break, I had a good two weeks of free time to spend with myself, and in no time at all, I had set up my own little area: Xbox 360 and television, plus my computer and monitor set up on a chest I used as a foot rest. It was my own little corner, and I loved it so.

Christmas was quiet that year; we forwent the usual trips to visit relatives, and instead stayed at home. I didn't receive any new games for Christmas, but I took advantage of several Xbox Live holiday sales whilst barricaded in the office: specifically, Chair Entertainment's Shadow Complex and Stainless Games' Magic The Gathering: Duel of the Planeswalkers. I had just finished the first Assassin's Creed game before Christmas and, whilst I loved it, I was ready for something a little less grand in terms of scale. How ready I was, though, I wouldn't know until I fired up my two downloadable gems.


I had heard nothing but praise for Shadow Complex all summer, and I was excited to discover whether the game would live up to the hype. Fortunately, the game surpassed my expectations, utilising everything I loved about the Metroidvania formula (exploration-friendly environments, backtracking, item-collection, etc.), whilst excising all of the elements that I didn't (lack of direction, uneventful moment-to-moment gameplay, unintuitive exploration, etc.). Shadow Complex's two-dimensional environments were both simple and deep, letting me either explore as I wished, or follow the map screen to the objective. I never try to deliberately complete games like Shadow Complex to one-hundred percent - the over-exploration involved in finding that one last item tends to kill the experience for me - but that was just what happened during the course of my playthrough. So hungry was I for Chair's supremely satisfying platforming that I even completed all of the tutorials and challenge rooms after I had finished the main storyline.

After I finished Shadow Complex, I shifted my focus to Magic The Gathering: Duel of the Planeswalkers, another game I picked up on sale. As an avid Yu-Gi-Oh! player who dabbled with Magic during my sophomore year of high school, I loved the chance-elements and strategy of collectable card games, but lacked the financial capacity and encouraging community to ever play regularly. For the price of two-and-a-half booster packs, Duel of the Planeswalkers scratched my card-craving itch, giving me the opportunity to play against computerised opponents with fourteen different decks. Some reviewers cried foul concerning the game, due to its inability to create decks from scratch, but I appreciated the simplicity of pre-made decks and enjoyed simply diving in and playing.


Whilst I was playing my two downloadable goodies, I was using my computer to revisit two of my favourite animé series: the pulpy space opera, Outlaw Star, and the sci-fi neo-western, Trigun. Additionally, I was chewing through Stuart Hill's fantasy novel The Cry of the Icemark; hardly a challenging book, but the story was engaging, and the prose was to my liking. My winter break was heavy in escapism, but I can't say that I didn't need it; I had just completed my second of three nineteen-credit semesters, and a nice, long wallow in escapism was just what my over-tired brain was craving.

When told as a laundry list of what I accomplished, my 2009 Christmas season sounds pretty uneventful, but - truth be told - I wouldn't trade it for anything. My opportunities to do absolutely nothing are rare and far between, and to be able to relax and enjoy a trifecta of my favourite hobbies - gaming, animé-based nostalgia and imaginative, if under-taxing, fantasy books - was nothing short of memorable. More often than not, I need a holiday away from my holiday. That year, however, I got exactly what I needed: indulgence and rest, and I attribute no small part of my break's success to two of the best downloadable games I've ever played.

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- Andrew Testerman
Guessing games: predicting the 2011 VGA winners
by Andrew Testerman
5.12.11

Spike has rolled out its nominees for this year’s VGAs, everyone's favourite awards show based largely on what Spike thinks gamers like.

Disregarding the actual quality of the show (which, when discussing something like the VGAs, is probably for the best), this year’s nominees list looks pretty solid, one that Geoff Keighley and everyone involved can be proud of.

Since the best part of any given awards show is speculating who will win, I thought I’d run through the nominee list and give my predictions about who will walk away victorious. The VGAs aren’t intended to be a prestigious, designer-focussed event like the Academy Awards (those are the AIAS Awards), which can make them trickier to make guesses about. Still, I feel pretty confident about my choices, and if you wanted to use them as a basis for your choices in this year’s VGA pool (you guys do that too, right?), I certainly wouldn’t hold it against you.


Game of the Year


Nominees

Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros / Rocksteady Studios
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Bethesda Softworks / Bethesda Game Studios
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Nintendo
Portal 2 Valve
Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Sony / Naughty Dog

Predictions

Winner: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Dark horse: Batman: Arkham City

This year’s Game of the Year nominee list is perhaps the strongest one since the VGAs’ inception, with every single title receiving at least one perfect score from a major publication, and critical love surrounding all of them. The VGAs have traditionally chosen open-world titles in the past, and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion won Game of the Year back in 2005, making Skyrim a pretty safe bet. There is a chance Arkham City could knock Skyrim out, as its smaller open world and more-focussed experience have the potential to trump Skyrim's enormous, sometimes daunting one. A Wii game has never won the prize, so Zelda is likely out, and Portal 2 was released too long ago to be fresh in the mind of the VGA voters, especially in favour of heavy hitters like Skyrim and Batman. Uncharted’s huge set pieces and tight story could win the day, but Skyrim’s breadth of choice will likely be more attractive than Uncharted’s highly-scripted gameplay style.


Studio of the Year


Nominees

Bethesda Game Studios
Naughty Dog
Rocksteady Studios
Valve

Predictions

Winner: Valve
Dark horse: Bethesda Game Studios

Unlike the Oscars, where Best Director and Best Picture are nearly always the same film, the VGAs have never had a single game take both Game of the Year and Studio of the Year. With that in mind, I think Valve has a good shot at this year’s Studio of the Year title. Whilst not necessarily Game of the Year material when compared to Skyrim, Portal 2 was one of the best-developed titles this year, with incredible attention paid to how the player experiences the game. Coupled with Valve’s continued support for their old games and their dedication to the Steam platform, it’s inconceivable that Valve won’t get it. However, voters may take into account Bethesda’s incredible code-wizardry for cramming the entirety of Skyrim onto one disc, a feat which other huge RPGs, like Mass Effect 2 and Final Fantasy XIII, have had trouble with. Naughty Dog’s set piece control may be recognised, but many of Uncharted 3’s best moments were also seen in 2009’s Uncharted 2, making it easy for voters to say "Yes, but..." Rocksteady’s work won them Studio of the Year in 2009 for Batman: Arkham Asylum, but their jack-of-all-trades approach to their Arkham City open world seems less revolutionary this year, especially when compared to other titles.


Best Xbox 360 game


Nominees

Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros / Rocksteady Studios
Forza Motorsport 4 Microsoft Studios / Turn 10 Studios
Gears of War 3 Microsoft Studios / Epic Games
Portal 2 Valve

Predictions

Winner: Batman: Arkham City
Dark horse: Gears of War 3

It seems odd that Portal 2 is considered an Xbox 360 game, given that Gabe Newell has made it no secret that the PS3 is the preferred console for the title, but its clever puzzles and sculpted design make it a strong case for Best Xbox 360 game. However, the likely winner is Batman: Arkham City, with its huge open world, strong story element, and the myriad of reasons (read: collectables) included to keep gamers coming back. All things considered though, the usurper just might be Gears of War 3, with its four-player co-op and wealth of multiplayer options. Forza is out — though it’s one of the year’s top driving games, the VGAs generally ignore racing titles in favour of more action fare.


Best PS3 game


Nominees

Infamous 2 Sony / Sucker Punch
Killzone 3 Sony / Guerrilla Games
LittleBigPlanet 2 Sony / Media Molecule
Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Sony / Naughty Dog

Predictions

Winner: Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception
Dark horse: LittleBigPlanet 2

Naughty Dog’s tribute to all things adventure has far too much going for it not to win Best PS3 game, though voters with good memories may favour the incredible depth presented in LittleBigPlanet 2’s creative tools. It's true that Infamous 2 is a worthy follow-up to the open-world superhero antics of the first game, but my bet is the voters will show their open-world love to other games. Killzone 3 has some chance, but doesn’t hit as high as other shooters this year.


Best Wii game


Nominees

Disney's Epic Mickey Disney Interactive / Junction Point Studios
Kirby's Return to Dream Land Nintendo / Hal Laboratory
Lost In Shadow Hudson Entertainment
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Nintendo

Predictions

Winner: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Dark horse: Disney’s Epic Mickey

No contest. Perhaps the last huge title on the Wii, Skyward Sword makes good on every single promise Nintendo has made about motion controls in gaming, and unlike many of the Wii’s best titles, it’s near-impossible to consider Skyward Sword being played without them. I'm sure that most voters enjoyed Warren Spector’s take on Disney’s most valued icon, which gives Disney’s Epic Mickey a chance, however, the game was released too long ago, and was too critically-divided, all of which will most likely prevent it from taking home Best Wii game. Lost in Shadow has exceptional art direction, and Kirby’s Return to Dream Land is a satisfying return to consoles for Nintendo’s pink puffball, but neither have the chops to compete with what some are calling Nintendo’s best Zelda title.


Best PC game


Nominees

Battlefield 3 Electronic Arts / DICE
Minecraft Mojang
The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Atari / CD Projekt
Portal 2 Valve

Predictions

Winner: Minecraft
Dark horse: The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

This category can go one of two ways. The first way recognises one of the most graphically-impressive titles of the year, along with its distinctly PC-flavoured action and its mature, non-traditional take on the fantasy genre. The other honours perhaps the biggest breakout hit in gaming in the last five years, one that gives players nearly-endless freedom in expressing themselves creatively. I’m opting for the latter; good as the other three titles are, none of them have become the phenomenon that Minecraft has.


Best Handheld/Mobile game


Nominees

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective Capcom
Infinity Blade Epic Games / Chair Entertainment
Super Mario 3D Land Nintendo
Jetpack Joyride Halfbrick Studios

Predictions

Winner: Super Mario 3D Land
Dark horse: Infinity Blade

Again, no contest. Super Mario 3D Land has taken even the chilliest 3DS non-fans and brought them in, providing more addictive Mario platforming, whilst making perhaps the best use of Nintendo’s much-vaunted 3D technology. Leave it to Nintendo to show everyone how it’s done. Infinity Blade may create a strong impression, based on how Chair and Epic have managed to create such high-quality graphics in the mobile space (using Unreal 3, no less), but gameplay has never been the title’s selling point. Both Ghost Trick and Jetpack Joyride are too niche for something like the VGAs.


Best Shooter


Nominees

Battlefield 3 Electronic Arts / DICE
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Activision / Infinity Ward / Sledgehammer Games
Gears of War 3 Microsoft Studios / Epic Games
Rage Bethesda Softworks / Id Software

Predictions

Winner: Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
Dark Horse: Rage

Infinity Ward has cranked it all the way to eleven this year with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, with World War 3 taking the spotlight in its drum-tight single-player, and its now-signature responsive shooting shines during competitive multiplayer and its two flavours of cooperative play. Battlefield 3’s weak single-player will be taken into account, no matter how good the multiplayer is, and Gears of War 3’s broad, galumphing gameplay will suffer by comparison to the lightning-fast mechanics of its competitors. Rage’s enormous game environments and imaginative art design may help to give it the edge, but Call of Duty has won in every single year it’s been nominated for an award (except 2006’s middling Call of Duty 3), and Modern Warfare 3 looks set to hang onto the throne another year.


Best Action/Adventure game


Nominees

Assassin's Creed: Revelations Ubisoft / Ubisoft Montréal et al
Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros / Rocksteady Studios
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Nintendo
Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Sony / Naughty Dog

Predictions

Winner: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Dark Horse: Batman: Arkham City

Of all of the VGA categories, Best Action/Adventure game is the vaguest, with past nominees including Super Mario Galaxy 2, God of War III and Dead Space. All of the previous winners have been open-world titles (Grand Theft Auto IV, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood), so it’s tempting to hedge bets that Arkham City will emerge the victor. No one does action/adventure like The Legend of Zelda, though, and it seems unlikely that Link’s latest effort will go unrewarded. Assassin’s Creed: Revelations has received less critical love than past titles, and Uncharted went down to Batman last time they met.


Best RPG


Nominees

Dark Souls Namco Bandai / From Software
Deus Ex: Human Revolution Square Enix / Eidos Studios – Montreal
Dragon Age II Electronic Arts / Bioware
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Bethesda Softworks / Bethesda Game Studios

Predictions

Winner: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Dark Horse: Dark Souls

Similar to how Wall Street used to be, Skyrim is too big to fail. From the size of the game world to the sheer amount of different play options, Skyrim is the ultimate in role-playing this year. If there’s one title with any hope to bring it down, though, it’s Dark Souls, with a deep character-building system and sprawling, dangerous game environment. Deus Ex: Human Revolution leans too close to the shooter genre to compete with such traditional RPGs, and Dragon Age II hasn’t fared wonderfully well among critics.


Best Multiplayer game


Nominees

Battlefield 3 EA / DICE
CoD: Modern Warfare 3 Activision / Infinity Ward / Sledgehammer Games
Gears of War 3 Microsoft Studios / Epic Games
Portal 2 Valve

Predictions

Winner: Battlefield 3
Dark Horse: Portal 2

Every game in this year’s category features co-operative play, with Portal 2’s two-player puzzle-solving bringing the most unique co-op experience. However, when it comes to massive conflicts and an incredible variety of moment-to-moment gameplay, Battlefield 3 takes the cake with ease, especially if voters consider the 64-player PC version. Gears of War 3’s four-player co-op, competitive matches and one-two punch of Horde and Beast modes might tip the scale, but the VGAs skipped over the previous Gears of War game. Call of Duty hasn’t taken home a VGA in multiplayer yet, and its similarities to previous games won’t give it enough kick to win over so many other unique multiplayer experiences.


Best Individual Sports game


Nominees

Fight Night Champion EA Sports / EA Canada
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12: The Masters EA Sports / EA Tiburon
Top Spin 4 2K Sports / 2K Czech
Virtua Tennis 4 Sega

Predictions

Winner: Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12: The Masters
Dark Horse: Fight Night Champion

Best Individual Sports game tends to favour action sports titles like Shawn White Snowboarding or Tony Hawk’s Project 8, but with nary a kickflip or mute grab to be seen, it’s a bit tougher to call. Tiger Woods finally took home the prize last year after five attempts, and this year’s game adds further improvements, making it a safe choice. Fight Night Champion’s gutsy, story-driven career mode might sway votes, though, especially considering its already-solid gameplay. The VGAs have never, ever favoured tennis, and the idea that two are competing is a bit silly, regardless of how solid both titles actually are.


Best Team Sports Game


Nominees

FIFA 12 EA Sports / EA Canada
NBA 2K12 2K Sports / Visual Concepts
NHL 12 EA Sports / EA Canada
MLB '11: The Show Sony / SCE Studios San Diego

Predictions

Winner: NBA 2K12
Dark Horse: NHL 12

In light of the recent troubles with the NBA 2011-2012 season, 2K Sports has given perhaps the best entry in its highly-acclaimed hoops series, and though the NBA’s Greatest mode is a hollow attempt to re-catch the Jordan Challenge lightning in a bottle, the rest is gravy, with smooth, strategic hoops action and wonderful presentation. Being an American awards ceremony, the chances that EA Sports’ new and outstanding FIFA title will win a VGA are slim, but many critics gave it positive reviews, so perhaps it’s not wise to count it out just yet. EA’s NHL series has competed with the NBA 2K series throughout the category’s history, and this year’s solid entry may just put NBA 2K12 in the penalty box. MLB ’11: The Show ranked highly, but baseball has never taken a VGA in team sports as yet.


Best Driving game


Nominees

Dirt 3 Codemasters
Driver: San Francisco Ubisoft / Ubisoft Reflections
Forza Motorsport 4 Microsoft Studios / Turn 10 Studios
Need For Speed: The Run Electronic Arts / EA Black Box

Predictions

Winner: Forza Motorsport 4
Dark Horse: Dirt 3

Due to an oddity during both last and this year's voting period, Gran Turismo 5 was not eligible to recieve votes in the 2010 VGAs, and seems to have been forgotten for 2011. And with GT5 out of the running, Forza Motorsport 4 has a wide-open path to secure supremacy as Best Driving game, with a deep, customisable driving experience, and nearly unrivalled options for user creativity. Dirt 3’s take on rally racing may end up stealing the throne (it did back in 2007), but it'll have an uphill battle to achieve it. Driver: San Francisco’s joyriding action might seem far too removed for voters looking for a racing experience, and Need For Speed: The Run’s Michael Bay-style take on racing will come off as a 'diet' version of Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit.


Best Fighting game


Nominees

The King of Fighters XIII Atlus / SNK Playmore
Marvel Vs. Capcom 3: Fate Of Two Worlds Capcom
Mortal Kombat Warner Bros. / Netherrealm Studios
WWE All Stars THQ / THQ San Diego

Predictions

Winner: Mortal Kombat
Dark Horse: Marvel Vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds

Responsive controls, balanced fighting and a heaped helping of nostalgia helped Mortal Kombat to sell a metric crapload back in April, and there’s no reason to assume that these factors won’t help it to take home a VGA. If anyone has a chance, though, it’s Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, bringing gonzo action and a huge amount of fan service to the table. King of Fighters XIII is too niche for the VGAs in the face of such well-known titles, and WWE All Stars doesn’t offer a competitive-enough take on the fighting genre (see 2007, when Super Smash Bros. Brawl lost to Soul Calibur IV).


Best Motion Game


Nominees

Child of Eden Ubisoft / Q Entertainment
Dance Central 2 Microsoft Studios / Harmonix
The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Nintendo
The Gunstringer Microsoft Studios / Twisted Pixel

Predictions

Winner: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Dark Horse: The Gunstringer

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is a fantastic game, aided in no small part by its motion controls, which turn every battle into a mini-puzzle, and give players new ways to interact with the world in ways that don’t suck even in the slightest. Child of Eden is too Japanese for the VGAs, despite Q Entertainment’s high pedigree, and Dance Central 2 seems too conventional a choice. This leaves The Gunstringer, Twisted Pixel’s quirky, surprisingly fun puppet-show shooter, with the best chance of raining on Link’s parade, but the odds aren’t in its favour.


Best Independent game


Nominees

Bastion Supergiant Games
Minecraft Mojang
Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery EP Capybara Games
The Binding of Isaac Edmund McMillen

Predictions

Winner: Minecraft
Dark Horse: Bastion

To put this in perspective, more people have played Minecraft’s pre-release builds than many fully-finished games will ever see. Minecraft is the poster-child for how to build and market a successful indie game, and has this category positively on lock. Bastion has critical acclaim behind it, Superbrothers: Sword and Sworcery EP received awards acclaim earlier this year, and The Binding of Isaac merges deep themes with its Zelda-throwback gameplay, but all of the above thoughts on why Minecraft will win apply here.


Best Adapted videogame


Nominees

Back To The Future: The Game Telltale Games
Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros Interactive / Rocksteady Studios
Captain America: Super Soldier Sega / Next Level Games
Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars Lucasarts / Traveller's Tales

Nominees

Winner: Batman: Arkham City
Dark Horse: Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars

No contest. Arkham City is one of the best licensed games ever, and the idea that it would lose to the likes of Captain America: Super Soldier is quite laughable. And, though it features excellent use of the license, it’s unlikely the VGAs will warm up to Telltale’s particular brand of adventure game in favour of Arkham City. If Lego Star Wars has a chance at all, it’s only because it’s one of the best games in its series, but at this point it’s almost wishful thinking.


Best Song in a Game


Nominees

Build That Wall (Zia’s Theme) by Darren Korb, Bastion
Exile Vilify by The National, Portal 2
I'm Not Calling You a Liar by Florence + the Machine, Dragon Age II
Setting Sail, Coming Home (End Theme) by Darren Korb, Bastion
Want You Gone by Jonathan Coulton, Portal 2

Predictions

Winner: Want You Gone, from Portal 2
Dark Horse: I’m Not Calling You a Liar, from Dragon Age II

Unlike past years, this year’s Best Song in a Game category is free of licensed music, or at least music that wasn’t produced specifically for a game, and the crop of songs is rather strong. Bastion has two killer cuts; 'Build That Wall' builds a bluesy, stark atmosphere, whilst 'Setting Sail, Coming Home' evokes the sort of feeling of finality that fits its ending theme nature, plus a cameo from the former track. Florence + the Machine saw 'I’m Not Calling You A Liar', from their debut album Lungs, repurposed by Dragon Age II composer Inon Zur for inclusion on the game’s soundtrack, with Florence’s indie sound supplemented by symphonic touches and large-sounding percussion. In my experience, though, it’s unwise to bet against Jonathan Coulton, and 'Want You Gone' is a hell of an earworm, perfectly capturing GLaDOS’s sarcasm and character, whilst providing a rollicking drum-and-bass-influenced pop sound. Having said all that, there is no precedent to the inclusion of so much original material in this category to draw conclusions from, making Best Song in a Game anyone’s contest.


Best Original Score


Nominees

Bastion Warner Bros. / Supergiant Games
Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros. / Rocksteady Studios
Deus Ex: Human Revolution Square Enix / Eidos Montréal
Portal 2 Valve

Predictions

Winner: Batman: Arkham City
Dark Horse: Portal 2

Batman: Arkham City hits all of the dramatic notes that players have come to expect since Danny Elfman first gave the dark knight a theme in 1989, with a healthy dose of electronic undertones. By contrast, Deus Ex: Human Revolution is almost entirely electronic, which fits well with its gameplay themes. Bastion’s guitar-driven score matches its wanderer motif to a tee, as does Portal 2’s blip-bloopy take on its abandoned science facilities. There’s very little through-line between past Best Original Score winners, except perhaps a touch of 'biggest atmosphere wins', making Arkham City a reasonably safe choice.


Best Graphics


Nominees

Batman: Arkham City Warner Bros. / Rocksteady Studios
L.A. Noire Rockstar Games / Team Bondi
Rage Bethesda Softworks / id Software
Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception Sony / Naughty Dog

Predictions

Winner: Rage
Dark Horse: L.A. Noire

Rage looks so good, it needed two discs to play on the Xbox 360. From its art direction to its buttery-smooth presentation, Rage is an absolute graphical beast, especially on consoles. If anyone can compete, though, it’s Rockstar’s L.A. Noire, with its exceptional facial animation technology that also spreads the experience across multiple discs on Microsoft's console. Compared to these two, Uncharted 3 and Arkham City’s graphical improvements are only subtle, and much less likely to capture the imagination of voters than their other competitors.


Best Performance by a Human Male


Nominees

J.K. Simmons as Cave Johnson, Portal 2
Mark Hamill as The Joker, Batman: Arkham City
Nolan North as Nathan Drake, Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception
Stephen Merchant as Wheatley, Portal 2

Predictions

Winner: Mark Hamill
Dark Horse: Stephen Marchant

Arkham City is ostensibly Mark Hamill’s last stint as The Joker, and if this is true, he picked a hell of a high note to go out on, with a masterfully-voiced performance balancing equal notes comic and menace. The Joker also has the advantage of being a known role, which sometimes helps at the VGAs. Strong, too, is Stephen Merchant’s Wheatley, whose loose, almost improvisational delivery makes Wheatley’s performance sound alarmingly personal. J.K. Simmons’ Cave Johnson is a hoot, but doesn’t have enough time to shine in the game compared to Wheatley, and Nolan North’s umpteenth (though still enjoyable) performance as Nathan Drake will likely not be as noteworthy as the other nominees. That said, the Best Performance by a Human Male award last year was a set-up to a horrific comedy routine as Neal Patrick Harris argued with himself, so we’ll see if Spike plays it 'for real' this time.


Best Performance by a Human Female


Nominees

Claudia Black as Chloe Frazer, Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception
Ellen Mclain as GLaDOS, Portal 2
Emily Rose as Elena Fisher, Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception
Tara Strong as Harley Quinn, Batman: Arkham City

Predictions

Winner: Ellen McLain
Dark Horse: Emily Rose

Unlike the male category, Human Female was treated as a legitimate award last year, with Tricia Helfer winning for her performance as Sarah Kerrigan in StarCraft II. Emily Rose’s Elena Fisher covered many different emotional notes, with her best one being a quiet, intimate moment with Drake near the end of the second act, and her presence both in the game and as one of gaming’s strongest female characters are enough to make her a consideration. When it comes to memorable female roles, though, few can top the unsettlingly sarcastic GLaDOS, who has practically become the face of the Portal series. Tara Strong’s filling-in for Arleen Sorkin is note-perfect, though perhaps a little melodramatic (which actually suits the character well), and Claudia Black’s Chloe gets shuttled off too quickly to make a lasting impression.


Best Downloadable game


Nominees

Bastion Warner Bros. / Supergiant Games
Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet Microsoft Studios / Fuelcell Games
Stacking THQ / Double Fine
Iron Brigade (previously Trenched) Microsoft Studios / Double Fine

Predictions

Winner: Bastion
Dark Horse: Stacking

We really liked Bastion when we reviewed it this year, and newcomer Supergiant Games’ debut title’s inventive art and narrative direction should help it to take home a VGA. Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet boasted some of the most unique art of the year, but its basic (though still fun) Metroidvania design was less praised by critics. Trenched - recently renamed Iron Brigade - offered a unique, more action-oriented approach to tower-defence games, but was critically mixed. Double Fine’s other title, Stacking, has perhaps the other biggest chance to win Best Downloadable game, with a lengthy storyline, charming old-timey art direction and diabolically clever point-and-click adventure gameplay.


Best DLC


Nominees

Old World Blues for Fallout: New Vegas - Bethesda
Arrival for Mass Effect 2 - EA
Freddy Krueger for Mortal Kombat - Warner Bros.
Peer Review for Portal 2 - Valve

Predictions

Winner: Arrival for Mass Effect 2
Dark Horse: Old World Blues for Fallout: New Vegas

It is rare that a piece of DLC expands on a game’s single player mode, and rarer still is one that succeeds as well as Arrival, which not only acts as a satisfying chunk of standalone content, but also helps to bridge the gap between the current title and its sequel. Peer Review was free, but often lacks the magic of Portal 2’s initial campaign, and Mortal Kombat’s Freddy Krueger was about as close to fighting game horse armour as one could get. Old World Blues adds a quirky, 1950’s B-picture element to Fallout: New Vegas’ campaign, but its episodic nature could compare unfavourably to Arrival’s near-essential playing status.


Finally, after eight years, the VGAs have a nominee list that is one hundred percent respectable, with nary a 50 Cent: Bulletproof-calibre gaffe in sight. If Spike can get its collective hormones in order, without trying to pander to its previous notions of what ‘gamers’ will want to watch, this may well be the first year that watching the VGAs was actually worth my time.

The Spike Video Game Awards air live on Saturday, 10 December on Spike, MTV2 and Spike.com at 8:00pm EST.

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- Andrew Testerman
Christmas Season 2011: Nine delectible gaming foods
by Andrew Whipple III
1.12.11

The holidays are finally here, and with that comes the requisite avalanche of food and tsunami of triple-A titles that you'll never have enough time to finish.

In honour of all of the edibles you're probably wasting, we at Gamer's Guide to Life want to recognise some of our favourite foodstuffs in video games. What better way to enjoy holiday nourishment than analysing the digital equivalent?

It may never have crossed your mind, but food is an important part of videogame design. Much like real life, without proper sustenance our avatars would shrivel up and disintegrate into the uncaring winds of the digital world. In fact, videogame characters would simply respawn, but that's beside the point. So, whilst you're diving deep into your household delicacies, take a moment with me to explore the food integration in these nine video games.


Energy tank


Found in: Mega Man
Believability: 9/10

The Mega Man games are known for their unforgiving difficulty, slamming music and, of course, Energy Tanks. The Energy Tank is basically your 'get out of jail free' card, as it refreshes your health before you become an unrecognisable hunk made formerly of man and machinery. Usually, they're found in hard-to-reach areas and secret passageways, but occasionally you'll get a lucky drop from a normal foe; when this happens, the accepted reaction is to joyfully scream like a small schoolgirl (if a girl is playing, the result is, instead, a manly football shout).

Mega Man is a dude made of lots of stuff. We don't know exactly what makes him tick, or what could be lurking underneath the lid of those rare E-tanks. Really, it could just be a gob of oil, Sour Patch Kids, or something weirder still. Whatever lightning-infused shock plasma liquid he throws down his gullet works, though, and I don't think anyone has any reason to argue.


Mushrooms


Found in: Super Mario
Believability: 7/10

There isn't a single Super Mario game that doesn't have the famed mushroom shuffling about in its digital depths. It was fairly obvious that this item would make it to the final list, so I'll make this as terse as possible. How does a mushroom make somebody grow? That's another debate entirely, and the answer is surely lying within another castle, but the real question you should be asking is how does each mushroom affect Mario? Green ones give him another go at life and the red ones make him healthier (in other words, bigger). That's how it works in Mario-land.

If you think about it, Mario doesn't have it that bad. Mushrooms are really very nice when sautéed with various ingredients and they can literally go with anything if you love them that much. Mario fetches these things out of boxes in all sorts of crazy environments, and fortunately for him mushrooms can grow practically anywhere. As for Mario getting bigger or gaining another life due to their properties, mushrooms certainly aren't bad for you, so I suppose they could aid in your growth. As far as the extra life goes, though.


Bananas


Found in: Donkey Kong Country
Believability: 8/10

Bananas aren't exclusively found in the Donkey Kong Country series, but they're certainly a heavy focus. Whilst you might question how bananas float of their own accord, collecting one hundred of the potassium-enriched fruits conjures up a free guy out of nowhere. Don't ask how it works, though; I'm a little more concerned about collecting them from industrial complexes, swamps and underwater.

The bottom line is that bananas are good for you, and the emphasis on collecting them in Donkey Kong Country shows that quite clearly. It might make little sense as to why a horde of creatures are after a bunch of bananas, but if Donkey and company were smart they'd just let the Kremlings have them. Why? Well, I'm fairly certain that ingesting bananas found scattered about an oil plant can't have any positive effects on you.


Assorted foodstuffs


Found in: The Elder Scrolls
Believability: 5/10

Skyrim has taken over the lives of the weak-willed here at Gamer's Guide to Life.com, but we who have somehow wrested ourselves away from its confining grasp tell of its plethora of assorted foodstuffs. Yes, every Elder Scrolls game contains a vast variety of food items, whether it be standard cabbage, carrots or a simple baked potato. The magic of this food presents itself, though, when you find yourself in a sticky situation. Defying the laws of everything, you can effectively stop time and gorge yourself, since each piece of food gives you up to one or two health points back without even having to leave the inventory screen. What does this mean? Well, that Black Knight who lifted his two-handed blade of killing to strike the final blow will instead find a refreshed and replenished adventurer before him.

Whilst there are people out there who make a living on the back of downing hot dogs and other foods within twelve nanoseconds, it's a little odd to see someone devour their entire collection of paraphernalia as their life flashes before their eyes. I mean, I have nothing against carrots or delicious baked potatoes, but something has to give. Unless it was recently discovered that cabbage has an alien, regenerative power, I'm fairly certain that an iron arrow impaling your body is a large concern. Fairly.


Pot roast and chicken


Found in: Castlevania
Believability: 2/10

There's little as enticing as a nicely-roasted chicken awaiting your arrival after a hard day of vampire-slaying. We complain about rude customers, inefficient co-workers or leaving work five minutes late, but how do you think the Belmont clan feels? Cursed to hold Dracula in perpetual check, these guys have to traverse demon-infested castles riddled with entire walls of spikes and other things that want to kill them. Injury is inevitable at this point, and what better way to heal wounds than to... eat a pot roast?

Assaulting a fortress of demonry is one thing, but asking to be healed by a chicken or a pot roast is something different entirely. First, it isn't like a ghost or some other angry, supernatural beastie is going to purposely drop a nice, fully-cooked chicken for you. Even if that does somehow happen (and it does, surprisingly often), the other way to find this miracle meat is inside the castle walls. That's right, you actually have to destroy the dilapidated remains of a castle wall to realise the possibility of finding a delicious chicken for you to devour. I don't know about you, but if I were trying to kill someone trespassing in my castle, I wouldn't be leaving culinary wonders in my damned walls.


Leaves and spray health


Found in: Resident Evil
Believability: 4/10

The Resident Evil games boast an impressive roster of murderous nasties. With zombie-sharks, -dogs and mutated beasts of varied poor dispositions all vying for a stake in your demise, healing is an absolute necessity. Despite how bad the injury looks or just how diseased the creature was that bit you, herbal leaves will always - and I mean always - do the trick. Crush 'em up, throw them into your stomach, and you're ready for another round of zombie-related injury. It makes about as much sense as a healing spray.

I'm no herbal expert, but I do know that there are some miraculous plants out there. However, I don't think these plants are dropped by a mutilated zombie, and I don't think they're going to be effective in treating several gunshot wounds and a bite to the neck. But I've been wrong before.


Meat buns


Found in: Dynasty Warriors
Believability: 3/10

What do you do when a thousand warriors stand in the way of you and your goal? The choice is obvious if you're playing any kind of Dynasty Warriors game. Killing hundreds of thousands of soldiers is a rough business, though, and even the most stalwart of warriors will eventually suffer from fatigue and injury. Enter the 'meat bun'. Whilst you might indeed be being chased by a horde of angry peons with pikes, you can easily heal those injuries instantaneously by ingesting one of these magical meat buns. Nor does it matter that you found it in a vase; just eat it.

Glorious as it must be to vanquish a thousand foes without ever breaking a sweat, that's easier for me to grasp than a meat bun healing all your wounds in an instant. At least, though, they had the decency to put the food in pots for the soldiers.


Assorted wildlife


Found in: Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Believability: 10/10

Probably the most plausible of the bunch, MGS3 thrusts Snake into the wilderness, where he must prey on local fauna in order to survive. I don't know about you, but eating a spider just to get through it all sounds tough. No thwacking a wall to discover a six-course banquet here; Snake's the real deal.


Fruit and ghosts


Found in: Pac-Man
Believability: 4/10

The classic circular character gobbles away at all sorts of things, including whatever those energy pebbles are, but what really gets him going is the various fruit bouncing about the map. Fruits that somehow have the ability to move downright scares me, but at least Pac-Man follows Donkey Kong's lead and understands what's good for him. That is, until he goes berserk and starts attacking the ghosts floating around his domain. I'm right there with you, Pac-Man; I don't want people trespassing on my property either, but to eat them?

The fruit stuff is perfectly fine, as it helps maintain a healthy lifestyle for the little man. However, eating ghosts? Not so much. How does that even work? You know, let's just forget about the whole thing.


Bonus: Souls


Found in: Soul Reaver
Believability: 0/10

Raziel, you can't just go around killing people and using their souls as nourishment. I mean, there are rules that need considering. Try something normal for once. Grab a bowl of cereal or someth... woah, woah, woah! Get away you devil demon! You can't...

Yeah, right.

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- Andrew Whipple III
Analysis: who will win Game of the Year for 2011?
by Chris Hawke
29.11.11

It's over. It's finished, man. It's done - that's it.

Skyrim and Assassin's Creed are out, and with them arrive the bitterly cold winds of change; we stand on the brink of 2012, a brand new year brimming with adventure and intrigue. And another Call of Duty. With Star Wars: The Old Republic and Rocksmith bringing up the rear and probably being too late to be included in most Game Of The Year lists, you can turn your mind back to a year that saw Libya Liberated, Osama Obama-nated, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 single-handedly ruin everything I hold dear.

Unless Postal III pulls a stunner (spoiler: it won't), that's pretty much it for 2011, so we're compiling the most notable games you've played over the past twelve months and shamelessly judging them based on our incredibly poor recollections. Portal 2 is the one about the Italian plumber, right? Good.

Note: if you can't tell by now, the following list isn't to be taken very seriously.


Dead Space 2



It was kind of like Dead Space, except...Nope. I've got nothing. Basically, you ran about and shot zombie-alien things and there was a lot of blood. While it's hardly original, Dead Space 2 was actually a resounding success; the dismemberment was a grotesquely gleeful as ever, the characters were believable and well-rounded, and the story had enough hooks and twists to keep you blasting on. It's going to take a lot longer than a year for us to forget that needle-to-eye scene.

Why it might win GOTY:

A more refined, polished Dead Space that still haunts our dreams, the buckets of atmosphere and flashy set-pieces (complete with severed baby faces) make it a heart-stopping thriller.

Why it might not win GOTY:

The multiplayer was a giant alien sack of balls, and it came out in January. January. I'm pretty sure the British Empire was still intact back then.


Dragon Age II



You were called Hawke. Now, call me biased, but that's basically the best name in the world. If I could come up with a fake name, it would be Hawke. Luckily, I don't have to. I'm one of the lucky ones. The chosen ones.

Oh, the game? I don't know. I think it had something about violence in it, I forget...

Why it might win GOTY:

Building on the success of the original, what could possibly go wrong?

Why it might not win GOTY:

Quite a lot. Fans were perturbed, to use on overly fancy word, at the shoddy control system, the confusing story and general lack of ingenuity or originality. Plus, we have Skyrim now. Dragon Age II can only look on in wonder.


Homefront



Ha! Just kidding.


Crysis 2



Probably the most visually impressive game on this list - so long as you've got a high-end PC. As this PC poster boy shifted onto the consoles, many worried the Nanosuit would be dumbed down; and while the set-pieces were epic, the story exciting, and the graphics one-of-a-kind, the series had lost some of its charm; no longer were we allowed to wreak havoc in a sandbox paradise, but instead tied down in a tightly scripted, linear, shoot-em-up.

Why it might win GOTY:

It's got the looks. When you boil it down, Crysis 2 is basically an entire series based upon being pixel-perfect, and as shallow as that is; cor. Look at them explosions!

Why it might not win GOTY:

The stealth mechanics are to fiddly and slippery to be a long-term strategy, and the straight-up-shooting is just a bit bland. Crysis 2 might be a jack of all trades, but a master of none.


Portal 2



It was actually funny. Which surprised me - the original Portal was so fleeting, experimental and unexpected that it took everyone by surprise and was allowed to be itself. But when shoved on a standalone stage and told to perform for ten hours, there was a worry that GLADoS would lose her charm, the mechanics would become stale, and it would all be a little bit disappointing. But with the excellent Merchant at the helm, Portal 2 managed to be legitimately hilarious (with as little nerd-humour as possible) and keep a strong pace. Wait - did someone say pace?

Why it might win GOTY:

Cute, funny and thought-provoking, with a solid co-op mode and tonnes of little secrets. There's not another game as unique as Portal 2 out there.

Why it might not win GOTY:

If you pushed through the campaign in a matter of days, the endless portal-shooting and gel-jumping do start to wear thin. Also, it might not be the best critique of a game, but...it's just not Portal 1, is it?


L.A. Noire



Hang on - did I say there wasn't a unique game like Portal 2 out there? Excuse me - I must have forgotten about the game where you solve crimes around a perfectly-recreated 1940s Los Angeles. And accuse old ladies of being killers. L.A. Noire made up for what it lacked in freedom with a mature, developed plot, involving some superbly crafted characters, rich dialogue, and a whole lot of picking up cigarette packets. And drawing. And racism.

Why it might win GOTY:

It's a Rockstar game.

Why it might not win GOTY:

It's a Rockstar game shrouded in modern-day slavery court-cases. And did Cole Phelps put on a flamethrower at the end of the game? Like, for real?


Infamous 2



While a lot of games on this list are criticised for the fact they lose the charm of their predecessor, Infamous 2 is the exception. It's messy and repetitive and shoddy and slightly creepy (why the hell is this city so quiet?!), but it's such a beautiful game when it all comes together. The progression, the powers, the freedom of movement and the powerful-as-a-lighting-storm ending; it may not be perfect, but it sure as hell tries.

Why it might win GOTY:

It should win just for this scene only. (Big spoiler)

Why it might not win GOTY:

While they're easy to forgive, you can't quite overlook the plethora of AI issues, graphical slip-ups, and repetitive missions forever.


Deus Ex: Human Revolution



I never asked for this.


Forza Motorsport 4



Since Gran Turismo 6 won't come out until we all get hovercars and the game becomes outdated before its even released, Forza Motorsport 4 is left to hold high the torch of virtual racing. And fanboyism. It's beautiful, it's fast, and it's flashy.

Why it might win GOTY:

Enough simulation to be realistic, but enough arcade to be masses of fun.

Why it might not win GOTY:

Racing games never win Game Of The Year. Ever.


Battlefield 3



64 players tearing the French Metro to shreds, bombing it across the crisp blue skies of the Caspian Boarder and commanding tanks in the dusty plains of Iran? Forget the rubbish single-player; Battlefield 3 is all about the multiplayer, and with a slew of grand maps, an endless array of weaponry, and a multiplayer shooter that's NOT Call of Duty, Battlefield 3 has a real shout.

Why it might win GOTY:

It's big, loud and a visual stunner. EA's plugged everything they've got into making this a real winner, and they'll be livid if it doesn't come out on top.

Why it might not win GOTY:

The game is certainly not without its problems, with countless issues abound on forums everywhere. These things mount up, y'know.


Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception



Serious undertones of paedophilia. That's what I remember most about Uncharted 3; you're a ten-year-old orphan getting chased around by an old man with a moustache. I think there was a lot of other stuff about spiders and adventure and treasure, but I basically zoned out after that and expect Chris Hansen to turn up at my doorstep any minute.

Why it might win GOTY:

As someone who thinks Uncharted 2 was massively overrated, Drake's Deception pumped a lot of my faith back into the series - it's got swagger, ambition and oomph. And when you're reduced to using onomatopoeia to describe a video game, you know you've got something special.

Why it might not win GOTY:

While it's the strongest first two-thirds of any Uncharted yet, it pulls its punches at the end - there's no big revelation or seismic shift for the series, but just another 'sunset and banter' fade-out.


Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3



Why it might win GOTY:

It's a brand new Call of Duty!

Why it might not win GOTY:

It's exactly like Call Of Duty 4. Again.


The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim



I'm not even going to talk about the game here. Instead, I'm going to ask you to look at Dead End Thrills. You'll see why.


Driver: San Francisco



Why it might win GOTY:

Best interracial back-and-forth of 2011.


There you have it folks. We'll know soon enough which of these games will come out on top, in the meantime, troll us below with your picks.

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- Chris Hawke
Review: X-Men: Destiny
by Joey Núñez
29.11.11

X-Men: Destiny
Developer
Silicon Knights
Publisher
Activision
Platforms
Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii
Reviewed on
PlayStation 3
Genre
Action RPG/Brawler
Certificate
PEGI 16+, ESRB T
Best price we found in GBP:
£25.99
from Amazon.co.uk
I think the first time I tried to move the TV remote solely using the power of my mind was when I was about eight years old.

I’ve been dreaming of becoming one of Marvel Comics’ ‘mutants’ ever since. I would join the X-Men and become a hero, and be utterly and unapologetically awesome. Alas, it turns out that telekinesis is not one of my god-given talents; at least, not yet. In the meantime, I am left to live out my super-heroic dreams through comics, movies, and games. X-Men Destiny promised to be a cause for celebration for me and my inner eight-year-old, but, regrettably, the celebration consisted of a couple of awkward high-fives instead of the tribal comic geek dance that we had been anticipating.

X-Men: Destiny seems promising enough, as it sets out to tread the ground so many X-Men games before it have surprisingly ignored. Instead of letting you play as an established mutant hero or villain, the game casts you as a new mutant in the Marvel Universe, and allows you to choose your alliances, siding either with the X-Men or the Brotherhood of Mutants. This is a seriously great idea; what better way is there to get the wannabe mutants of the world to identify with a game character, than to let us play through our very own origin story? Sadly, although the premise is full of promise, the execution is a strictly mediocre affair.


The game starts off at a San Francisco peace rally, hosted by the government’s Mutant Response Division, the X-Men and the Mayor. All of the involved parties are hoping to quell the rising tensions between mutants and humans, as relations have hit an all-time low following a series of natural disasters, for which mutants have been scapegoated. Add to that the death of Professor Charles Xavier, and the disbandment of the X-Men, and things look pretty grim. As you can expect, the rally does not go as planned, as an apparent mutant attack sends the masses running for the hills. You stand somewhere in that panicking crowd and, as all hell breaks loose around you, your mutant powers manifest themselves for the very first time. The story offers several predictable twists and turns, but, for the most part, it isn’t half bad. X-Men Destiny offers up a true comic book yarn, which could have been pulled straight out of one of Marvel’s books. So what’s the problem? Well, the problem is the way the game wants you to believe the choices you make have some kind of effect on the story, when, in fact, they don’t.

See, at the beginning of the game, you’re prompted to choose between one of three characters: Aimi Yoshida, a young and spunky Japanese refugee; Grant Alexander, a football jock with a college scholarship (and, if you’re wondering, he is indeed a total douche); and Adrian Luca, who, as the son of a human supremacist, is arguably the most interesting of the three characters. Choosing who you play as is the first 'false' choice that the game presents you with, because the characters are so poorly developed that, regardless of who you choose, your experience with the game will be largely unchanged. Sure, Grant hits on any female character he can find, and Adrian has some serious daddy issues which pop up occasionally, but other than that, the game doesn’t really make you feel like you’re having substantially different experiences.

The same can be said of your choices of alignment with either the X-Men or the Brotherhood. Throughout the game you’ll encounter several well-known Brotherhood and X-Men members, many of whom will ask you for help with various missions and attempt to sway you towards their cause. As a fan of the comics, fighting beside Emma Frost was very different from fighting alongside Mystique, but for the casual gamer, I’m not quite sure the difference will register, largely because the game fails to make the missions offered by both sides feel any different. Most missions task you with taking out a given number of enemies, and regardless of who you fight alongside, you’ll smash through the same faceless lackeys and ultimately head towards the same goal. Having played through the campaign aligned with both the X-Men and the Brotherhood, it was utterly disappointing to choose differently only to find that I ended up taking on exactly the same mission that I had completed before. Talk about lazy game design.


As for the gameplay, X-Men Destiny promises to make me feel like a powerhouse of a mutant, and for the most part, I’m going to go ahead and confirm that this is achieved. Although the game is mostly a button masher, I must admit I did enjoy mashing said buttons, mainly due to the different ways that the game allows you to customise your mutant and his or her powers. At the start of the game, you’ll be asked to choose between three different power sets: density control, which will turn you into a brawler with the ability to encase yourself in obsidian stone; shadow matter, which will allow you to pull off some very acrobatic and quick moves (think a badass Nightcrawler); or energy projection, which will have you shooting shiny lights from your hands that blow stuff up real good. Each power set comes with a branching skill tree, which allows you to upgrade your powers with new combos and abilities, all pretty standard stuff. The real treats, though, are offered up by the X-Genes.

X-Genes are power-ups and upgrades you are awarded with upon completing missions. Think of them as genetic material belonging to your favourite X-Men characters, which you can equip to your character. There are three different types of X-Genes: offensive, which grant special attributes to your attacks; defensive, which ramp up your evasion skills and defensive capabilities; and utility, mostly passive abilities or movement upgrades, which grant you the power of flight or super-speed. If you’re playing with density control powers, you might equip the Iceman offensive X-Gene, the Emma Frost defensive X-Gene, and the Quicksilver utility X-Gene; this will cause your character’s hits to freeze your opponents, and allow you to run around the screen at super-speed with your body encased in diamond. Just that idea is pretty freaking awesome, especially for a fan of the comics.

One last bit of customisation comes in the form of the special suits you find. These suits are also inspired by the most famous mutants in the comics, so each of the three main characters end up with their own version of classic costumes, such as Wolverine’s yellow-and-blue costume, or Psylocke’s purple threads. These suits aren’t just for show, though. If you equip all of the X-Genes related to a specific character and also wear that character's suit, you’ll be able to activate X-Mode, which grants you a considerable power boost for a short period of time, allowing you access to the abilities and powers of the mutant whose genes you have equipped.


So gameplay is completely epic, right? Well, no: sadly, it isn’t. Although goofing about with your mutant powers is fun, the enemies that the game pits you against are just too darn repetitive and, frankly, dumb. The AI is a mess, and enemy variation is slim. You end up feeling like an Omega-level mutant taking on a bunch of Danger Room bots. Can this be fun? Certainly. Is it ultimately forgettable? Absolutely and undeniably.

Lastly, the game has caught a good deal of flak for its presentation, and it’s time that the record were set straight: it isn’t as horrible as certain internet folks would have you believe. The voice work is actually pretty darn good, and all the major players act and sound like you would expect them to, which is something I greatly appreciate. As for the visuals, there are two things to consider: the art style and the graphics. The art style wants to be great; a very cool animation sequence at the beginning of the game just oozes with comic book coolness. Likewise, the character's suits all look good and are faithful to the comic design – with the exception of the newly hippie Nightcrawler – and the main characters’ customised suit designs are pretty authentic as well. The problem is that the graphics just don’t do the designs justice. Character models are seriously lacking in detail and animation fluidity, and the hair, oh-do-not-even-get-me-started on the hair. Mutant powers look okay, with some decent particle effects here and there, but the environments you let your powers loose in are mostly drab and lifeless. All in all, the game is not hideous, but neither is it pretty by any stretch of the imagination. On the heels of Batman: Arkham City, a visually-uninspired comic book game is simply unacceptable.


If you are a fan of the comics, I say you should definitely give X-Men: Destiny a try. There is a certain rush to fighting as a new mutant alongside the likes of Cyclops, Colossus, and Emma Frost, which only an X-Men fan can entirely appreciate. I'd be lying if I said that I didn’t have fun with this game, though whilst X-Men: Destiny is a fun distraction, it doesn't achieve much more than that. If you’re looking for the next great action RPG or comic book game, your attention should be centred elsewhere.

6/10 [?]

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- Joey Núñez
You are not the Dragonborn
by Anonymous
25.11.11

The Belgian artist Rene Magritte has a valuable lesson to share with us all about the nature of video games: "Ceci n'est pas une pipe", or "This is not a pipe".

We see a pipe in the painting, but there's no pipe there. We see a picture of a pipe, but we cannot use it to inhale stimulants or clout our incompetent servants on the ear when they bring us the wrong brand of inhalable stimulants. Dammit, Jeeves, I only smoke Big League Chew, I don't care if the local tobacconist doesn't carry it or that it's actually children's gum in the shape of tobacco!

Likewise, when we play a video game, we aren't the hero. Take any of the Grand Theft Auto games, for example. Tommy Vercetti, Carl Johnson and Niko Bellic are men who exude a quiet confidence that commands respect from the lowest of criminal scum to the highest echelons of political power. But when you or I control them, these men are lunatics who blow stoplights by weaving between lanes of traffic at 80 miles per hour, not because they're being hotly pursued by Johnny Law, but because that stoplight is between them and a food cart that will allow them to eat 20 hot dogs in a row in order to vomit in front of my wife for her delight and disgust.

I have decided to bridge the gap between the simulated worlds that our characters inhabit and the certifiably insane ways in which we, the players, behave when we 'live' in them. I have chosen the ancient and noble art of fan fiction to aid me in this task.

Here, then, is a saga of Skyrim, featuring the words and deeds of the Dragonborn as he truly lived. And, indeed, as you truly play him.

The Miracle of the Sudden Cheese

From the Saga of the Dragonborn


Hark, and listen, for I tell you truly a tale of magic and miracle. Bright was the day and blue was the sky, when the strong-hearted Dragonborn came upon the modest village.

Blessings of Akatosh surely smiled upon Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, that day, for the Great Hero himself came unto her own home, and did grimly endeavour to conquer the stout lock that barred his entry, so great was his desire to make witness to the miracle to come.

"Damn," swore the Hero, and "Crap" was his oath, as a score of lockpicks shattered at the touch of his mighty fingers, as had so many foes fallen before his blade.

Fortune favoured the brave, as ever, for the hour of the day turned from 7:59 to 8:00, and lo, the stubborn lock relented and gave way at his touch, for this was the time of Many Locks Suddenly Opening, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

The hoarfrost riming his beard gave way to the heat of the hearth, creating a mighty puddle, a cold-slick ocean of drips that would verily be a pain in the ass for Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, to clean.

Straight-faced and ruddy of hue, Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, greeted her honoured guest warmly, and boldly did she bear witness as the Dragonborn bravely ignored her and did honorably rifle through her possessions and spend many a minute flipping through her books.

But these shameful books pleased him not, and he spake aloud, saying in words of thunder: "Lame, no skill point upgrades."

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, feel a desire stirring within her to sit in a chair in another room, there to stare at the wall with great intensity and at great length, a pastime beloved of all peoples of Skyrim, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Strange sounds did she hear, a thumping and clattering as of chests being opened and middens being raided, but she stirred not, for such was her great love for staring at walls.

In time, she rose to find the Dragonborn, Great Hero of Our Age, standing before her, and he spake aloud, saying in words like the clash of glaciers, "You can keep this junk, it's too heavy to carry."

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, witness a great miracle, for lo, the Dragonborn suddenly emitted from his body a great bounty: weapons forged of iron, armour of leather and hide, many bottles of wine and a wheel of cheese most tempting to look upon.

Wherefrom did these things come, that they should appear as if from thin air in front of the Dragonborn and clatter to the ground in such disarray? So wondered Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, and so too did she wonder, 'Why do these miraculous goods look so familiar, like unto the goods I had carefully arranged upon mine shelves and in mine dresser?' Truly, it was a mystery, the reason of which man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, known as Grimglare for her steely disposition, then gave birth to a smile for the first time in many years. For truly, the Dragonborn was as great a doer of deeds and bringer of wonders as the tales had told. Here, at last, was the man who would deliver her people from suffering.

"By the way," uttered the Great Hero, in words that rumbled like a herd of mammoths, "I accidentally killed your husband outside. I stealthed up and stabbed him with a mace because I thought he was a bandit."

"But it turns out he wasn't," sang the Dragonborn in words that roared like a great fall of water, "See you later."

- So ends the Saga of the Dragonborn's Miracle -

Have you enjoyed my tale? If so, perhaps I will share the story of the Dragonborn's Feast of Lightning. The Great Hero of Our Age was at the edge of death, when in the blink of an eye, the Dragonborn ate a score of foodstuffs, returning him to full hale hearth and heartiness from whence to deliver a killing blow to his astounded opponent.

"Ten cabbages and more have I eaten in the space of a moment's breath," spake he, "I cannot be defeated."

But that is a tale for another time.

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- Anonymous
Replay: Diary of an Online Noob - Round 1: Fight!
by Joey Núñez
24.11.11

I’ve been playing videogames for about 20 years now, and in that amount of time I like to think that I’ve become a pretty darn talented player..

I finish all my games, hunt down secrets and power-ups, and generally wipe the floor with would-be opponents. Admittedly, most of my opponents over the years haven’t been true gamers; for some unfathomable reason, most of my friends just haven’t been into videogames. So - as you can imagine - when one of the poor bastards picked up a controller and challenged me to a round or two, the results were pretty much invariable: Joey would reign supreme.

Although it’s arguable how fun these challenges truly were, one thing is certain: they led me to believe that I was some kind of gaming legend, unlike other gamers, unlike other men. Whispers were heard of my prowess the world over. I was great and I knew it.

Hell yeah, bitches.

Now, you should know I’ve never really been into online gaming. As a huge fighting game fan, most of my early online experiences were focussed on these types of games, which are utterly ruined by lag. With a bad internet connection at the time, I abandoned my online adventures. I have since upgraded my internet, but with the unpleasant taste that was left in my mouth by a laggy Soul Calibur IV, I was hesitant to try out the online arena again. Until recently that is.

It was a regular Tuesday night at home, nothing particularly out of the ordinary. I got home from work, made myself a ham sandwich and sat down to enjoy some quality gaming time. As I flicked through my collection, and deliberated what my game of choice for the evening would be, I found the whimsical sideway looks of Ryu and Ironman to have a particularly charming glow, and popped Marvel vs. Capcom 3 into my PS3.

My love for comics and fighters is well known here on GGTL, so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that I’m still playing the hell out of Marvel vs. Capcom 3. However, I hadn’t really jumped into the online experience of the game. I'd tried a fight or two, but normally signed out quickly, as soon as a hint of lag reared its ugly head. That Tuesday night, however, things were different. The internet and I were getting along brilliantly, and I was ready to take some noob kids to school. My first challenger - we’ll call him 'ScoobyNoob23' - did wonders to rouse my spirits. I stepped into the ring with She-Hulk, Trish and Captain America, and as I realised that 'Scooby' had chosen Sentinel, Iron-Man and Ryu, I simultaneously felt intense feelings of both relief and dread. Relief because the cheap Sentinel–Iron-Man combo is oh-so-popular amongst noobs, and dread because with his cheap characters, this noob might just beat my legendary skill down with some dumb luck.


'Scooby' never knew what hit him. I walked out of that fight with my three characters intact, and Scooby declined a rematch. 'Who’s next?' I thought, feeling like Daniel-san, post Mr Miyagi training. My next challenger popped up soon enough.

We’ll call him 'SoulCrushingRealityCheck85', or just 'EgoKiller' for short.

'EgoKiller' walked into the ring with Dante, Akuma and Zero, against my She-Hulk, Trish, and Captain America trio. She-Hulk is my heavy hitter; I start off most fights with her, and then leave her in reserve to deal out some heavy punishment if my other characters are taking too much heat. I blinked twice and she was down. As I felt the cold sweat travel down the back of my neck, I paired my Trish against his Dante, and after some grueling fighting, just as I was about to take that cocky, white-haired douchebag out, 'EgoKiller' switched him and came down on me with fury as Akuma. Poor Trish never stood a chance. Captain America was my last hope. A few charging stars and shield throws later, Cap’s lifeless body lay on the ground, looking up at me. I had failed my fighters, and I was pissed.

'I’ll get him on this rematch', I thought. Five rematches later, I had managed to take down one or two of his characters, but hadn't won a single match. At the end of my fifth utter defeat, a message pops on my screen: "Your utter incompetence is no longer amusing. You are no legend. Thou art nought but a noob".

Okay, what he actually said was "Good fights" as he signed out, but I knew what he really meant. I now had a personal vendetta. An arch-nemesis.

I watched YouTube videos of MvC3 during my lunch break at work. I stayed up until 2am, polishing my skills in the challenge and practice modes. And, three gruelling days later, I was ready. I had added 'EgoKiller' as a friend, waited for him to show up and challenged him to a game. As he accepted, my hands were shaking, but I walked into that fight feeling like Bruce Lee; this was a wild jungle but I was Stallone. Sure, this guy was my own personal terminator, but I was Sarah freaking Connor, and I was ready.


I cannot even begin to describe the utterly humiliating asskicking that followed. Nothing I tried worked. Those perfectly timed combos I had mastered? I couldn't even manage to set them up. As the fight ended, I pondered for a moment whether or not I should even attempt a rematch, but only for a moment. I was seeing red, and as our second fight started I attacked this guy with a fury. I used every cheap move I could think of, recalled every combo I ever learned, switched characters in and out quicker than I ever had. It came down to Zero and She-Hulk, and as that beautiful green lady delivered that final punch, the sheer elation of victory that filled my body was overwhelming. I jumped up and down like a two year old, and not even the soul-destroying pain I felt when I stubbed my little toe on my bedpost was enough to bring me down. I had won. I was legendary once more. This was what gaming was all about.

EgoKiller beat me to a bloody pulp in all of the next three fights.

I’ll keep fighting online, though. I’m craving that feeling of elation like a junkie. I’ve discovered online gaming and there’s no going back.

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- Joey Núñez
GGTL Classics
Some of the very best articles dug out from deep in the GGTL archives, written by some of our past and present wordsmiths alike.
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