The Belgian artist Rene Magritte has a valuable lesson to share with us all about the nature of video games: "Ceci n'est pas une pipe", or "This is not a pipe".

We see a pipe in the painting, but there's no pipe there. We see a picture of a pipe, but we cannot use it to inhale stimulants or clout our incompetent servants on the ear when they bring us the wrong brand of inhalable stimulants. Dammit, Jeeves, I only smoke Big League Chew, I don't care if the local tobacconist doesn't carry it or that it's actually children's gum in the shape of tobacco!

Likewise, when we play a video game, we aren't the hero. Take any of the Grand Theft Auto games, for example. Tommy Vercetti, Carl Johnson and Niko Bellic are men who exude a quiet confidence that commands respect from the lowest of criminal scum to the highest echelons of political power. But when you or I control them, these men are lunatics who blow stoplights by weaving between lanes of traffic at 80 miles per hour, not because they're being hotly pursued by Johnny Law, but because that stoplight is between them and a food cart that will allow them to eat 20 hot dogs in a row in order to vomit in front of my wife for her delight and disgust.

I have decided to bridge the gap between the simulated worlds that our characters inhabit and the certifiably insane ways in which we, the players, behave when we 'live' in them. I have chosen the ancient and noble art of fan fiction to aid me in this task.

Here, then, is a saga of Skyrim, featuring the words and deeds of the Dragonborn as he truly lived. And, indeed, as you truly play him.

The Miracle of the Sudden Cheese

From the Saga of the Dragonborn

Hark, and listen, for I tell you truly a tale of magic and miracle. Bright was the day and blue was the sky, when the strong-hearted Dragonborn came upon the modest village.

Blessings of Akatosh surely smiled upon Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, that day, for the Great Hero himself came unto her own home, and did grimly endeavour to conquer the stout lock that barred his entry, so great was his desire to make witness to the miracle to come.

"Damn," swore the Hero, and "Crap" was his oath, as a score of lockpicks shattered at the touch of his mighty fingers, as had so many foes fallen before his blade.

Fortune favoured the brave, as ever, for the hour of the day turned from 7:59 to 8:00, and lo, the stubborn lock relented and gave way at his touch, for this was the time of Many Locks Suddenly Opening, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

The hoarfrost riming his beard gave way to the heat of the hearth, creating a mighty puddle, a cold-slick ocean of drips that would verily be a pain in the ass for Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, to clean.

Straight-faced and ruddy of hue, Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, greeted her honoured guest warmly, and boldly did she bear witness as the Dragonborn bravely ignored her and did honorably rifle through her possessions and spend many a minute flipping through her books.

But these shameful books pleased him not, and he spake aloud, saying in words of thunder: "Lame, no skill point upgrades."

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, feel a desire stirring within her to sit in a chair in another room, there to stare at the wall with great intensity and at great length, a pastime beloved of all peoples of Skyrim, for reasons man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Strange sounds did she hear, a thumping and clattering as of chests being opened and middens being raided, but she stirred not, for such was her great love for staring at walls.

In time, she rose to find the Dragonborn, Great Hero of Our Age, standing before her, and he spake aloud, saying in words like the clash of glaciers, "You can keep this junk, it's too heavy to carry."

Then did Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, witness a great miracle, for lo, the Dragonborn suddenly emitted from his body a great bounty: weapons forged of iron, armour of leather and hide, many bottles of wine and a wheel of cheese most tempting to look upon.

Wherefrom did these things come, that they should appear as if from thin air in front of the Dragonborn and clatter to the ground in such disarray? So wondered Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, and so too did she wonder, 'Why do these miraculous goods look so familiar, like unto the goods I had carefully arranged upon mine shelves and in mine dresser?' Truly, it was a mystery, the reason of which man may not know and the gods may not divulge.

Yngsir, Daughter of Yngsir, known as Grimglare for her steely disposition, then gave birth to a smile for the first time in many years. For truly, the Dragonborn was as great a doer of deeds and bringer of wonders as the tales had told. Here, at last, was the man who would deliver her people from suffering.

"By the way," uttered the Great Hero, in words that rumbled like a herd of mammoths, "I accidentally killed your husband outside. I stealthed up and stabbed him with a mace because I thought he was a bandit."

"But it turns out he wasn't," sang the Dragonborn in words that roared like a great fall of water, "See you later."

- So ends the Saga of the Dragonborn's Miracle -

Have you enjoyed my tale? If so, perhaps I will share the story of the Dragonborn's Feast of Lightning. The Great Hero of Our Age was at the edge of death, when in the blink of an eye, the Dragonborn ate a score of foodstuffs, returning him to full hale hearth and heartiness from whence to deliver a killing blow to his astounded opponent.

"Ten cabbages and more have I eaten in the space of a moment's breath," spake he, "I cannot be defeated."

But that is a tale for another time.

Labels: 2011, Ben Freund, Feature, funnies, Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

I'm told, by Wikipedia no less, that shoot 'em ups are a dying genre.

Despite that grim reality, a number of dedicated mad scientists working at independent studios are conducting a variety of brilliant and deranged experiments to revive the hulking corpse that once dominated arcades and Ataris alike. Allow me to play the role of Igor, as I try to inject a little new blood into into the beast's desiccated fanbase, by enticing you to sample some of the good doctors' latest creations.

Hallowe'en was last month? Let's drop the Frankenstein references, then, and get a little more literal. Shoot 'em up games, or shmups, are examples of a genre that boasts an endless list of classics, from Space Invaders and Centipede to Ikaruga and Geometry Wars. The definition of the genre is flexible and full of exceptions to the rule, but most shmups feature a 2D plane, on which the player's character fires bullets at enemies and dodges and weaves to avoid the bullets being hurled back at him.

Simple. Classic. Pure. And not too profitable, as it turns out. You'll notice that nobody is lining up to pay $60 at a midnight release for 'Centipede XXVII: Mystery of the Millipede', and so there aren't many developers lining up to make it. But whilst the fat cats of the industry are away (making Call of Final Duty: Modern Fantasy Wars, I assume), the indie developers will play, carefully crafting games that are more likely to find a home in a gamer's heart than on a GameStop shelf.

Here are four recent indie shoot 'em ups that are bound to get your thumbs twitching like it's 1987 all over again.

Editor's note: this article contains information and prices relevant to North America. Availability and price may vary in other regions.

1: PixelJunk Sidescroller (PSN)

PixelJunk Sidescroller is the latest major release in the shmup genre, and of all my selections it comes from the most established studio. So it's somewhat strange that it attracted very little buzz and coverage, even compared to other PixelJunk titles.

But I promise you that it's there waiting to be discovered on the PlayStation Network for a mere ten bucks, and it's the purest example of a classic shmup on this modest list. The visuals ape the age of vector graphics, creating landscapes of bare, clean lines instead of clusters of colourful pixels. The entire screen curves in at the edge in an homage to ancient arcade cabinets. Vicious enemy ambushes seem designed to cheat desperate kids out of quarters.

But, of course, you won't be feeding change into your PS3. You'll just use another continue and train the muscle memory of your fingers to perform the right sequence of twitches to push forward. And you won't need any fancy upgrade systems, contrived plots, or flashy cutscenes to motivate you; you will do it because it gives you the feeling of being a hardcore badass, like the mute kid from The Wizard.

2: Jamestown (Steam)

The three-man team at Final Form Games have said that they realised that a major selling point for their tiny game was going to be its setting; setting would be the hook to draw fans into experiencing the gameplay. During a brainstorming session, programmer Tim Ambrogi said, no doubt in his best movie announcer voice, "It’s the new world... Mars... Jamestown."

And, indeed, you will travel through otherworldly variations of colonial settlements and territories, but the monstrous natives have no maize to share like their Earthly counterparts. Instead, they are extremely generous with their supply of deadly glowing laser bullets. Fortunately, you can share the bounty with three other players, coordinating your attacks and reviving one another to prevent a game over.

Bringing a buddy into the mix makes Jamestown feel like a shmup incarnation of beat 'em ups like Turtles in Time or the X-Men arcade game. But if you'd rather play alone, the solid, bullet-hellish gameplay and beautiful pixel-crafted visuals won't disappoint.

3: Space Pirates and Zombies (Steam)

The space exploration style is even deader than the shmup genre, but thankfully not as dead as your chief opponents in Space Pirates and Zombies. You will hyperjump lazily from galaxy to galaxy in a randomly generated universe, fighting to gain resources and blueprints to upgrade your weapons and expand your fleet, as you push back the zombie menace.

S.P.A.Z. is the product of two determined independent developers short on resources, so it can be a bit rough around the edges. There isn't much story to speak of and the randomly generated fights can be repetitive. On the other hand, it's a product of two determined developers absolutely committed to making a great game, and the core gameplay is addictive and satisfying. There are dozens of ship designs and weapons to research and combine, and there isn't any need to pick and choose the perfect loadout — your entire fleet will swarm around you in battle like a deadly and disciplined shoal of fish. If your hulking flagship's missiles are bouncing off an enemy's shields, you can switch to controlling a speedy little cruiser loaded with beam weapons as your flagship continues to slug it out under AI control.

All that depth and action is packed into the form of a top-down shooter, with ships gliding along like thruster-equipped air hockey pucks as they manoeuvre around enemies to assault exposed flanks. If it's your flank which is being assaulted, you may find yourself running low on scrap to rebuild your fleet, exiled to the edge of the universe and forced to use your fancy lasers to strip mine asteroids and buy yourself back into the real game. A bit of a drag, but a pirate's life is never easy.

4: Voxatron (humblebundle.com)

If you're lucky, by the time you've read this, you'll still have some time left to pick up the pay-what-you-want Humble Voxatron Debut. Even if you have missed the deadline to set your own price whilst supporting charities like Child's Play and the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and getting a pair of other great games thrown in too (Blocks That Matter and the shmupish The Binding of Isaac), there's no doubt that Voxatron will once again be available for purchase when it's ready for a final release.

Yes, Voxatron is only an alpha for now, but the soul of Robotron's gameplay and the nostalgia of Zelda's dungeons has imbued it with incredible strength, despite its modest presentation. It has voxel-based graphics, much like 3D Dot Game Heroes and the eternally-under-devlopment Fez. However, that grants the game an extra dimension that the others lack: the third. When swarms of blocky enemies surround you, you can jump up and over, swivel around, and bring your peashooter to bear on the disoriented mob. If a platform is too high to reach, try destroying its base with concentrated fire and it will collapse to a more manageable altitude.

Just at the moment, the game is quite short, but at least as sweet, and you can't beat the price. Grab it now and look forward to the all the game's future content updates.

Labels: 2011, Ben Freund, Blocks That Matter, Feature, Ikaruga, Jamestown, PixelJunk Sidescroller, Robotron, shmups, Space Invaders, Space Pirates and Zombies, The Binding of Isaac, Turtles in Time, Voxatron

Lately, more and more books about games are being published. I don't mean the Official Game Guide to Battlefield 3, nor the Gears of War novelisations either, although I hear they're surprisingly readable. I mean novels about the power and influence of games and gaming in the not-so-distant future.

io9's Annalee Newitz beat me to the punch on this subject just last week with an excellent list of novels that deal with the borders between games and reality. There aren't any hard feelings, though. It is an exciting new genre, and I'm glad I'm not the only one who's taking notice of it!

It needs a name, though, doesn't it? These books aren't quite like their closest cousins, the cyberpunks, but there's also an undeniable influence. So let's call these new books 'gamepunk'.

Hey, that was easy.

I don't want to make any grand claims about the rules or limits of gamepunk, but I want to suggest some elements that mark the genre as distinct from cyberpunk, and particularly appealing to the gamer-for-life.

Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash is a cyberpunk classic that may come to mind. It features the MMO-like Metaverse, but it lacks a focus on games and gamers. Hiro Protagonist is an elite hacker and master swordfighter, whereas I emit hacking coughs and a practice a self-taught combat style called Not-In-The-Face-Fu. It's a great book, but it's not about you, me, or the games we play.

Ender's Game from Orson Scott Card seems like a strong candidate, but despite the promising appearance of the word 'game' in the title, the competitive games in it are more akin to tests, which our boy Ender generally wins by breaking all the rules. That cute little genocider is a CHEATER who uses HAX, and that can't be respected.

No, it seems to me that gamepunk is about real gamers and believable games. Ernest Cline's Ready Player One and Cory Doctorow's For the Win are two recent novels that take games seriously as social and economic forces, and feature strong hearted gamers as agents of positive change. For the Win is even available as a free download on Doctorow's website, thanks to his support of the Creative Commons license.

Both of those books appear on Newitz's list, but I'd like to make a couple of recommendations of my own.

Although Vernor Vinge's Rainbows End isn't solely about gamers, it takes place in a world that has become a game—whichever game you choose. If two people are standing in New York, looking up at the Empire State Building, their VR contact lenses would allow them to see a more compelling reality of their choice. A comic book fan might see the Daily Planet offices, where Clark Kent tries very hard not to be Superman, while a child might see a 102-story oak tree, inhabited by Disney animals. These realities are created and propagated according to the quantity of people who choose to inhabit and contribute to them. The book says a great deal about the technological singularity, cyberterrorism, and the advent of ubiquitous computing, but what managed to stick in my mind was a large-scale battle between rival factions of fanboys over the fate of a library.

And then there's a special book that doesn't quite fit the mould: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz takes place mostly in the 20th century, so it can't claim our futuristic gamepunk label. Instead, it settles for being serious modern literature about several generations of an immigrant family struggling to adapt to America, and come to terms with their Dominican heritage. The unlikely anchor of the story is young Oscar, a misfit obsessed with science fiction, fantasy, and comic books. If you consider yourself a gamer, you can probably find something to identify with in him, and you'll certainly find something unique and charming about how much humanity Diaz manages to pack into a character who superficially resembles the sedentary, apathetic gamer stereotype—albeit at a time when “gamer” meant Dungeons & Dragons, not World of Warcraft.

Oscar Wao aside, it's easy to dismiss these books as escapism. Which they are, certainly. But as the gamepunk genre grows, I look forward to finding out what shape these escapist adventures, and especially their heroes, will take. The world is already full of adult gamers like you and me, lifelong inhabitants of professionally and passionately crafted vehicles for escapism. What will that generation have produced, and what will it become a decade or five from now? Who will be playing games, and why? And how truly awful will the video games based on the movies based on these books based on video games be? I look forward to the creative and captivating answers that gamepunk will provide.

Labels: 2011, Ben Freund, Books, Feature, Gamepunk