Oh, Grand Theft Auto, I do love you so. I love your dry wit, sharp humour, cutting satire and brilliant societal critiques. I love the fact you're so well realised, with no detail overlooked or flaw jutting out. I love your atmosphere, your dialogue, your gameplay, and - though I hate to be so shallow - your looks. You're damn near perfect.

So you can imagine that I was overjoyed when news broke of Rockstar registering new domains, possibly in connection with the next iteration of the best sandbox around. With such titles as getamexican.com, pregnantandalone.com and justcanoe.com, there was no reason to doubt their legitimacy. They just sound so perfectly in-keeping with the Rockstar style that it seems second nature to walk into an internet café, bash this into the address bar, then log off and start a rampage.

See? Video games haven't affected me one bit!

All seemed to be going swimmingly. I would soon be reunited by my darling, and off we would venture. Where to this time? London would be a favourite of mine, as it's been a while since I mounted the kerb for half a mile in Clapham. Just get me out of America, which has grown stale thanks to endless faceless virtual copycats. Then I'd be happy.

It was with an air of disbelief that I read about GTA V being codenamed Rush, to be set in Los Angeles. There was even a character list to boot, though I just couldn't believe it. How could Rockstar, creators of possible the sharpest, funniest and most playable games out there, create something so... uninspired? While I'm sure 'Rush' has something to do with Take Two, I very much doubt that it is connected with the Grand Theft Auto franchise. And here's why.

Thanks to some very clever sleuthing work by the talented Superannuation, a casting call by Rockstar’s regular agency Telsey & Company was found, which listed various characters for a Take Two project known only as 'Rush'. These resumés seemed to confirm a GTA vibe (one woman listed the part of 'inner city female'). At this point, it's a very believable setup; games are accidentally revealed on a surprisingly common basis thanks to CVs or casting calls, and thanks to Telsey & Co.'s regular acquaintance with Rockstar, everything pointed towards 'Rush' being code for a new Grand Theft Auto. Except for one small issue...

John Marston is a stunning character. Not just for video games, which often substitute story for gameplay, but in terms of any piece of fiction, he's a beautifully rounded character. Niko Bellic may have been a bit whingy, but he showed layers of complex emotion that one wouldn't find out of place in a novel, albeit one with a lot of carjacking. Rockstar is known for creating incredibly detailed, intricate characters who can evoke sympathy, loathing, pity, or any number of alternative responses.

With that in mind, have you seen the characters for 'Rush'?!

Mitch Hayes:
38 – Annoying, wise cracking, highly successful FBI agent. In great shape. Does triathlons, drinks low cal beer, but still has a sense of humor.

Eddie:
47 – Weed evangelist, guy who started smoking at 30, and is now a leading proponent of marijuana’s fantastic properties. White, awkward.

Kevin De Silva:
18 – Albert’s fat, FPS-playing gamer son. Smokes a lot of weed, has anxiety issues and a card for a bad back, very soft, very opinionated. Into making racist comments while playing online.

'Annoying, wise-cracking'. That's probably the most basic stereotype for anyone inhabiting a Grand Theft Auto world. Does 'Weed evangelist' or 'annoying wise-cracker' sound familiar? Again, this is an incredibly boring, uninspired and underwhelming description of 'Default 18+ Video Game Characer #1'. And the self-referential 'Kevin De Silva'; would Rockstar really stoop as low as to parody their very players in such a simple, overtly cliché manner?

Oh, and he smokes a lot of weed, too.

I find it hard to believe, with the writing talent on Rockstar and the smorgasbord of superb figures standing proudly in Grand Theft Auto IV, that they would revert to such petty, childish stereotyping. If you asked a random man on the street to come up a list of with character traits they think the archetypal GTA oddball exhibits, these are the kind of quirks you would expect. But not from Houser & Co.

And then things take a turn for the ridiculous with Gilbert Gottfried reportedly tweeting that he had been cast to play the main character in GTA V.

“just found out I’m voicing the lead in grand theft auto 5! also I hate japan lol.”
- Gilbert Gottfried (@RealGilbert)

I want you to listen to this. And I want you to imagine that blasting out of your speakers for 25 hours of a video game. Rockstar's leading men have always been incredibly likable, from John's strong family values and dry humour, to Niko's sly remarks and desire for a better life. Could you really ever like the parrot from Aladdin? He's comic relief, a one-trick pony, just background noise. The voice is unique, but in a fingers-on-chalkboard way, not a warm, involving lead character way.

Which brings us back to the kicker; apparently, the game is set in Los Angeles. Now, I'm not sure about this, but according to some industry insiders, Rockstar are publishing a game already set in Los Angeles. Something called 'L.A. Noire'? Despite more than half a century between the two timeframes, could you imagine Rockstar visiting the City of Angels twice, in such a short space of time? It seems nearly impossible.

I'm sure Grand Theft Auto V is coming. I'm sure, very soon, the internet will be broken all over again thanks to everyone trying to see a debut trailer. But will that debut trailer focus on 'Eddie', the drug abuser? Will the Griffith Observatory stand proud in the opening shot? Will Gilbert Gottfried provide the voiceover?

I very much doubt it.

Labels: 2011, Chris Hawke, Grand Theft Auto, GT5, GTA4, Red Dead Redemption, Rockstar, Take Two

Gran Turismo 5 is special. It's not just a video game anymore - it has grown over the past 5 years into a symbol of hopes, dreams, aspirations, passion, dedication, and - more often than not - delays.

But now, it's ever so close, and the internet is slightly unevenly split between those who share doubts as to whether GT5 could ever live up to it's monumental hype, and others who claim it to be the best game ever made.

Why these people use the present tense escapes us. It's not out yet. Still, being level-headed, sober, and kinda dull, Gamer's Guide to Life decided to compile ten reasons why GT5 could either live up to its potential and reclaim the racing crown, or be painfully held back by a few mistakes.

Ladies and gentlemen: start your engines...

5 elements that could make GT5 incredible

World Rally Championship/NASCAR
What exactly does a few minor inclusions of other racing sports mean? Variety. If GT5 were a shooter, constantly blasting its way through dingy gray corridors of 'normal racing', NASCAR and WRC are the huge set pieces that shake things up. If you're getting tired of the same old standard races in Rome, indulge yourself in the dusty and desolate World Rally Championship, or strap yourself in and pretend that you're not willfully throwing yourself into crashes in NASCAR. Both of these are sure to add length to an already inexhaustive game, and keep gamers on their toes.

Graphics
It's still very hard to speak about Gran Turismo 5 without mentioning its incredible graphical fidelity. While I wouldn't go as far as to call the whole gaming world 'pixel addicts'; when it takes a second glance to distinguish real life from a video game, you know something special is coming your way. As well as looking stunning, the constant framerate means GT5 offers a brilliant level of immersion and beauty. Tearing your eyes away from the screen could be harder than you thought.

Passion
Polyphony Digital like cars. They really, really like cars. And that translates into a quest for perfection within the automotive world; forget developers cutting corners, or skimping on the noise of an F1 engine, because these brave men and women will stop at nothing to make Gran Turismo 5 the most complete love-letter to the world of four-wheelers ever. There won't be any half-baked elements here - each facet of the game's existence will be laden with detail and attention, which can only mean a better experience for all.

Night-time racing/Weather
As with WRC and NASCAR, night-time and dynamic weather puts a new twist on the same old tracks you'll come to know, but add an extra layer of depth and tactical thinking that's sure to give GT5 that extra edge. Do you dare try overtake on the inside at night, knowing that staying to close to the opposition's bumper could smash your lights and leave you blindly following the pack? Do you recklessly throw yourself into that final lap on a wet track as a last ditch attempt to get first place? These features should add reply value in spades.

Simulation
Other genres struggle to capture the feeling of its real-life counterpart: no matter how realistic the shooter, you always get to respawn. No matter how accurate the brawler, you never feel the pain. While whiplash may be absent in the Gran Turismo series, every turn and corner is promised to feel exactly how it should. Just plug in a racing wheel and you'll be battling to keep the back-end under control in no time. If Gran Turismo 5 can really reproduce the thrill of real racing, you'll never want to leave the sofa.

5 elements that could hold GT5 back

Lack of a gimmick
Need For Speed: Shift had a gimmick. And it was awesome. Instead of surrendering to the fact that it was, in essence, just another racer; the inclusion of the excellent cockpit view, that blurred and saturated the faster you went, meant that the game suddenly became more immersive, involving, and exciting. Gran Turismo 5 lacks a gimmick: instead, it's put forth as 'pure', a celebration of racing at it's core. While this sounds very well and good, as 'gimmick' is often used for a feature that's rather useless; often this can become a unique selling point. A lack of an immediate 'pull' factor might mean GT5 becomes slightly stale and repetitive.

Online
Polyphony Digital have big plans for their online. Sixteen-player racing, thirty-two-player voice chat, spectating races, and Gran Turismo TV could turn out to be a winning formula that adds a whole new dimension to the game. Or, in the case of Prologue, it could get messy. Our only view of the online so far has been slightly clumsy, with various connection issues and lag. Sixteen players is a whole lot for a genre that relies on split-second decisions, and it could lead to the online becoming a bit of a car crash.

Damage
But... Gran Turismo's about the racing, not the crashing, right? Crashing turns out to be a big part of the experience: it's your punishment for doing something wrong. And when you plough a Ferrari into a wall at 200mph, you expect that punishment to be pretty hefty. Luckily, wall-bouncing seems to be gone, but the unrealistic and slightly limp 'doors swinging open' of the 800 standard cars may prove to be a big disappointment that takes away from the otherwise spot-on realism.

Career
Much like in your standard RPG, Gran Turismo 5 features constant progression in the world of automobiles. You'll start off with what you feel is the perfect car (OMG! A GOLF!), rise through the ranks and scrape enough money for a better vehicle (OMG! A TOYOTA PRIUS!) before getting into the fast lane with a series of supercars (OMG! A FORD GT!). Thing is, the journey sometimes doesn't equal the payoff. As tempting as it is to own a Bugatti Veyron, if you have to do another 100 time trials in a goddamn Suzuki Cappuccino, then it's probably not worth it. GT5 needs to strike a near-perfect balance of challenge and reward.

Hype
Gran Turismo 5 is probably the most anticipated PS3 game ever, and while that's sure to provide its own publicity and help sell a lot of copies, it's not always a good thing. So huge is the hype, it's almost as if GT5 will never live up to it, just because it's such an unrealistic ideal. Wild claims of endless lifespan and perfect textures can only harm the game as fans get carried away. Even if it's superb in every other way, it could be that the exaggeration only serves to leave some slightly disappointed.

Labels: Chris Hawke, Feature, Gran Turismo, GT5, Polyphony Digital

If we're taking the above image as evidence, then it certainly seems so. Found deep in the caverns of the interweb, the image - which clearly shows a PS3 download screen for the highly anticipated Gran Turismo 5 - seems to point towards the possibility of Polyphony's racing sim being already in the first stages of Beta testing.

A beta for the game, due to release this winter, hasn't been officially mentioned or announced yet. However, GT5 is slated to feature over 1000 vehicles and 20 tracks, of which each has a few different variations. It'd be no surprise that a game on this scale would need some sort of beta testing phase to make sure that the online mode was up-to-scratch.

We'll keep you updated on anything else we get on this exciting story. Needless to say that all of the PlayStation teams' blood levels are at an all-time high with the prospect of racing around London before anyone else.

Linford

PLEASE NOTE: This is purely a rumour - nothing has officially been announced. We have provided the image so you have the information which we enjoy. Please do not take this as official.

Labels: Beta, Gran Turismo, GT5, Linford Butler, Rumours