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Bold, Foolhardy Predictions: 5 possible release titles for the Super Nintendo Wii (Project Cafe)
by Greg Mengel

It's happening. Angels are singing, politicians are hugging, unicorn Pegasus are flying through the sky. Rivers are running with cream soda. The beer is flowing like wine. The Korean DMZ has be redubbed the "Designated Mega-fun-time Zone." Medical researchers have discovered that the cure for cancer is Rease's Peanut Butter Cups. People can now talk to animals. Lightsabers have been invented by a mad scientist in Canada that don't kill, but tickle. All governments worldwide have decided to give each eight year-old child their very own dolphin. Life is good.

Life is great.

And why? Because Nintendo has conscripted Haephestus to forge an HD, possibly heavily multiplayer-capable, Super Nintendo Wii.

There is only one appropriate response:

After the spectacular success that came with releasing a blockbuster, household name like The Legend of Zelda alongside the Super Nintendo Wii's father console, I strongly believe that this young new piece of hardware will sport its own mega-hit title come release day. If it worked once, Nintendo is likely try it again, only this time in a way that shows off the Super Nintendo Wii's simultaneously hardcore-courting and family friendly hardware.

Please note: I only believe that one, or perhaps two of these titles actually have any chance of being released. Appealing though it may seem right now, I doubt we'll have an avalanche of all five blockbuster titles rushing at us come that great and terrible day, when the clouds part and Thor reaches down from Asgard to give humanity the Super Nintendo Wii.

5: Mii Tournament

Imagine if Mario Party and Wii Sports met each other at a romantic cabana and hit it off over jokes and strawberry daiquiris somewhere in the Caribbean, only to copulate and bear an adorable Mii-populated game-board mini-game tournament release title for the Super Nintendo Wii. Mario Party could cheat on the Mario universe, leaving behind its characters to instead adopt Miis, which would run through Mario Party-styled fun endlessly in family rooms and old folks homes while Nintendo used their swimming pools of money to secretly carve Shigeru Miyamoto's face into a volcanic island somewhere in the mid-Pacific.

When the Wii was released, it brought families together. Even though it may be courting a more "hardcore" audience, Nintendo isn't stupid enough to relinquish its stranglehold on adorable family room fun-time to Sony or Microsoft. Keeping a game that uses Mii is a great way to get soccer moms and assisted living centers to buy the Super Nintendo Wii in droves.

4: Super Mario... Universe?

While it didn't work for the GameCube, it definitely worked for the Nintendo 64. Releasing a new Super Mario title that expands on the vertigo-inducing effects of the Galaxy series is a solid move, in that it...

a) Ties the Wii to a memorable product within the Nintendo brand

b) Shows off jaw-dropping HD capabilities reminiscent of pictures sent back to Earth by the Hubble telescope, using the game's backdrop of space

c) Can tie (a) and (b) together by demonstrating to the world that amazing graphics and the cartoony Nintendo brand are not, in fact, oil and water

I'd personally love to take another trip to Luigi's mansion, but something tells me that Nintendo doesn't want to touch that sales tragedy with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole.

3: Popular Third Party Title

And I mean actually popular. Perhaps a Call of Duty, or an Assassin's Creed, or something of similarly cyclopean-scale. Releasing a great third-party game alongside its counterpart console release would dispel fears that the Super Nintendo Wii might have the same third-party development issues as its forerunner.

Even if Nintendo opts to develop one of its own titles to unveil alongside its new console, I wouldn't be at all surprised if a blockbuster third-party title was added to shopping carts come release day.

2: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Is anyone else having the strangest feeling of deja vu? We all thought Twilight Princess was going to be a GameCube exclusive.

...until it wasn't.

Twilight Princess gave gamers a chance to try out the formula they had been fantasising over since the Wii was first announced: Wiimote = Lightsaber/Sword. I wouldn't be at all surprised if we heard, come E3, that Skyward Sword had been pushed back to the Super Nintendo Wii release.

1: Super Smash Bros. [Synonym for Escalating Altercation]

Let's just call it 'the new Smash'. If the Super Nintendo Wii is truly and honestly a powerful multiplayer device, then Nintendo may want to prove it to gamers with its strongest 'hardcore' multiplayer title right off the bat.

A release title Smash Bros. would generate all the hype a new console could ever need, and leave plenty to spare once its success showed gamers that a hardcore, online Nintendo game was in fact possible. The question is: will Masahiro Sakurai have the time to complete a new Smash between now and the Super Nintendo Wii's release, given the fact that he's been directing Kid Icarus: Uprising? Does he even want to come back to direct another Smash? These are all important questions, but given the upside of a Super Nintendo Wii/New Smash Bros. dream team, Nintendo could always find a way.

Hell, they could re-release Tetris for all it would do: I'm buying a Super Nintendo Wii.

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- Greg Mengel

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